“How come you didn’t pick the place we were at before?” I asked Alex as he set up the tent. I was as useless as the first time and watched as he assembled everything. He stood up and handed me the spades and walked back to the truck. He came back with material and rope in his hands. “What’s that for?”
“It’s a hammock and the reason I picked this spot.” He walked over to where two trees stood together and started wrapping ropes around them.
“Are you sure it will hold you? Do you even know how to set that up?”
He gave me a funny look and I started fastening the tent down. “I know what I’m doing, Holly. It will hold both of us.” He walked back over and helped me finish with the tent before he took the hammer and put the finishing touches on the hammock that would supposedly support us both.
I was sitting there, bored and letting my mind linger, so whenever he dropped the hammer and turned my way, he caught me with my eyes where they’d rested on his ass. I slowly moved my eyes up to his and dropped back onto the grass at his amused expression. “It feels nice out.” A gentle breeze went by, fluttering the skirt of my dress up, but I made no move to stop it as Alex made his way to me.
He dropped to his knees over me and I brought my hands up to rest on his knees. “You look beautiful today.” I smiled and he picked up one of my hands, kissing the back of it. “Green’s a good color on you. It brings out your eyes.”
“How come I’m the only one with green eyes?”
He tilted his head. “Dad’s parents both had green eyes.”
“Why didn’t he?”
“I’m not God; I have no idea. I’m happy you do, though. They’re beautiful.” He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, letting his lips linger a moment.
“I like your brown eyes. They remind me of coffee and chocolate, two of my favorite things.”
“You’re silly.” He rolled off of me and pulled me to lie on top of him, smoothing my dress down.
“I like it when you wear jeans, too. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my eyes tend to stray when you do.”
“Is that your excuse for eye-raping me all the time?”
I lifted my head and stuck my tongue out at him. “You like it. Don’t pretend you don’t.”
He brushed a lock of hair behind my ear and I reached up to press my lips to his. “I do like it,” he murmured between kisses and I smiled. I pushed my hands underneath his shirt and brushed my fingers over his abdomen. “You’re not stripping me in plain daylight, Holly.”
“So when it’s dark I can?”
“I’ll think about it.” I let his mouth occupy me a few more minutes before I pulled back again.
“What about in a tent during the day?”
He rolled us over, slipping his arms underneath my back and knees before getting up. I held onto his shoulders tightly as the ground moved farther away until he was steadily standing and striding towards the truck. “You act like you don’t trust me.”
I looked back at him and smiled. “I do. I just wasn’t expecting that. Where are you going?”
“To get our pillows and sleeping bags.” He sat me on the truck bed while he got into the back seat. He handed me mine and helped me off the tailgate, evidently noticing he couldn’t carry me back with everything. I stuffed my pillow under my arm and wrapped my fingers through the elastic on my sleeping bag so that I could wrap my arm around his waist.
“I love you.”
He shifted everything into his other hand, too, before wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “I love you, too, Holly.” He let go of me to duck into the tent first and I paused beside our bags I’d brought over. I felt ridiculous as I checked over my shoulder before pulling a condom out of the box Eli had made me buy those weeks ago and slipping it into my pillowcase. “You coming?”
I jumped and turned to the tent opening. “Yeah, sorry.” He took my sleeping bag from me and spread it out beside his and I sat my pillow beside his. He was turned from me, straightening the bottom of our sleeping bags, and my eyes snapped to his as he turned back.
I covered my cheeks with my hands as I blushed from the loving smile he gave me. “You’re adorable.” He tugged on my arm and I let him pull me closer so he could kiss me.
“Take this off,” I told him, pushing his shirt up again. He quickly pulled it off and I splayed my hands over the expanse of skin.
“I still look the same as yesterday.” He tilted my chin up to kiss me.
“Call it being grateful when you let me touch you freely.”
His fingers found the zipper between my shoulder blades and slid it down. He didn’t make any move to push my dress off, just slipped an arm under the fabric to curl around me and hold me to him. I slid my hands down and around his back, hesitantly sliding my hands over the pockets I’d been looking at moments before.
He pulled one of my knees up to his waist and slowly leaned me back until I was lying down. He settled into me with his hips pressing against mine before he pulled away from my mouth. He watched my face istanbul escort as he ran his hands up my thighs, gathering my dress and pushing it around my waist. I leaned up and helped him pull it off, catching his eyes sliding over my skin once I’d tossed it aside. “I still look the same as yesterday.”
His lips tilted up before he looked back at my face. “I’m inclined to say you don’t.”
“Why?” I kept my eyes steady on his even though my stomach quivered as he ran a hand up and down my side.
“Because I’ll always love looking at you and I intend for that to be my reason.”
A smile spread across my face as he started kissing my jaw. “You’re so silly, Alex.”
“Like you aren’t?” He kissed me so I couldn’t protest. I made a small sound as he rubbed my hip bones in small circles and pressed myself against him more. “Take it easy, Holly,” were the words he murmured to me as he trailed his mouth over my neck and shoulders.
I sighed, dropping my head back, my eyes fluttering closed, and satisfying myself with pulling my fingers through his hair. “I want you.” I barely even heard my own voice I’d whispered it so softly, but he pulled my hips up so we pressed together more.
“I just need you to be sure.” I opened my eyes to meet his clouded brown ones that searched my face.
“If I say I am, will you believe me this time?” I locked my legs around his thighs to make sure he didn’t pull away like he had before and wrapped my fingers around his wrists where he held himself up.
He pulled away from one of my hands to cup my cheek and run a thumb under my eye. “You can’t take it back.”
“I know.” I closed my eyes again as he pressed a kiss to my forehead, but snapped them open as he pulled my legs away and I felt his body leave me. “What? Where are you going?”
He glanced back at me as he unzipped the door. “I have to grab a condom.”
“I have one.” I reached under my pillow as he paused at the door and grabbed the small square. He looked at it a moment and I felt a blush creep up my cheeks as I thought of how I’d judge a girl for having one and hoped he didn’t.
He zipped the tent back and resumed his place over me. “When did you get condoms?” He took it from my hand and sat it beside us.
“Eli made me get them a couple weeks ago. He goes all protective on me some days, too.” That seemed to satisfy him and I was happy he took over my mouth as a memory started to trickle in of last night.
“And you’re still on birth control.” It wasn’t a question, but I nodded and reached for his lips again. I was happy we were on the same page concerning children being the worst thing.
His hand slid under me to brace against my spine, lifting me up just enough that he could unclasp my bra. I quickly pulled it away as he settled my back against the ground again. I felt far more naked than ever before at the thought of the tent walls being our only cover and gently tugged on his back trying to offset his balance enough to press his chest against mine. He seemed to know what I wanted and settled over me, still holding off most of his weight.
“You’re not going to crush me,” I said between kisses. It was such a small thing, but I didn’t want him worrying about that while we were together, especially since I liked the reassuring feel of him pressed tight against me.
He rolled us over, to probably prevent an argument I noted in my head. His hands tugged on the sides of my panties and I shifted so he could pull them off me. The need in my stomach rocketed as his fingers found their place on my clit immediately. I moaned and pulled his hands away. “You’re over dressed,” I said to the question in his eyes.
He quickly rolled us over again and moved his hands to his pants, but I slid my fingers under his and quickly unbuttoned them. He ran his hands up and down my thighs as I tugged them down. He’d worn boxer briefs that day and I swallowed at the large bulge evident. He let go of me to finish pulling his clothes off. I reached a hand out and trailed my fingers over his shaft as he took hold of my hips again.
“You’re sure?” I nodded and he applied pressure with his hands.
“Yes I’m sure,” I answered him and he reached for the condom he’d set aside. I moved my hands away and let him slide it over him. He lined himself up and asked again if I was ready. “Yes,” I whispered and watched as he pushed into me. My muscles tensed more as I watched him slide more of him in and was happy I’d already broken my hymen. The stretching feeling combined with the thought that there was too much of him was enough. My breathing was shaky, and I bit down on my lip to stop it.
“Hey,” he tilted my face up to his and leaned close to hold me as soon as our hips were touching. “You’re okay.” He pulled my lip from between my teeth and replaced it with his own.
As soon as my muscles had relaxed, he started moving his hips slowly. I moaned softly while he pressed avcılar escort his lips against my shoulder. As he started a slightly faster pace, reassured from my small noises, he bit down on my collarbone, marking me. I gasped and my hands came to hold onto his biceps. “Faster,” I whispered and his hands moved up to my breasts, his thumbs rubbing against my nipples as he moved faster inside me.
I could feel everything building inside me and wrapped my legs around his waist. His mouth replaced one of his hands, sucking my nipple into his mouth as he moved his free hand down between our bodies. “Alex,” I gasped as he started rubbing my clit with fast circles. “Oh God.”
I tried to hold on longer as his thrusts lost some of their rhythm, and he kissed his way back up to my ear. “Let go, Holly.” The first of the spasms hit and I moaned, burying my face in the curve of his neck. He kept up his thrusts even as they became jerky and his grip on my breast tightened. Just as I was coming down, he buried himself deep and pressed his head to my shoulder as I felt shakes through the muscles in his arms.
I pulled down on his back as I tried to regain my breath and he let himself settle completely on top of me. I kissed his shoulder and neck until I felt both of our heart beats slow. He tried lifting himself up, but I wrapped my arms tight around him. He sighed and gave up and I loosened my hold on him, trailing my fingers down his back.
“You should’ve told me you’d had sex before.”
My heart dropped. “What?”
“I would’ve figured it out eventually; you should have just been honest with me.” He lifted his head to look at me, his eyes tinged with hurt.
“I haven’t though.” His jaw clenched and I hurried on, “I haven’t. I broke my own hymen. I swear to God I haven’t. If I had I would have told you.”
“You promise?” His voice was stern and his face was unreadable, but at least the hurt had cleared.
“Yes.” I took a deep breath as he rested his head on my shoulder again. I felt guilty now for everything I’d done with JT since Alex genuinely cared. I wasn’t sure how Eli figured into everything and I really wished I didn’t ever have to find out.
“Did Mom and Dad ever fight?” I asked as we lay together in the hammock, the fire a fair distance away casting shifting shadows on the skin of our entwined limbs.
“Depends on your definition of fight.” His fingers were tracing lazy circles over my stomach and I watched them as I lay against him.
“Did they ever go days without talking?”
“No. They sometimes went a few hours though. Usually because one said something that unintentionally wounded the other’s ego. Like one time, Mom wanted to go get something done with the car that Dad had fixed in the past and said something like ‘getting it done right so it doesn’t happen again.’ Apparently Dad had worked really hard to fix it and there really wasn’t any other choice when it happened, since they hadn’t had the money to repair it. They were savers, but most of that money was built up for us and they never touched it.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head as I moved a finger in the middle of one of the circles he was making. He took my hand in his and made the pattern there instead. “Why? What’s bothering you, Holly?”
He shifted and my nerves stood on end as the hammock rocked. He pulled me to sit up more and wrapped his arms around me. “I don’t really consider what we do as fighting. I’m never angry with you, and I’d chalk most everything up to your sexual frustration. We’ve fixed that though, right?”
I threaded my fingers with his. “I want what they had.”
“The picture?” He kissed the skin behind my ear and I nodded. “I’m sorry I’m so harsh on you about that stuff.”
“I understand why now at least.” I closed my eyes and turned my body slightly so I could lay my head on him.
“It was more than just me being in love with you. I’ve been protective of you long before that.”
“Because I’m the only girl in the family?”
“And you’re younger and always seemed to need protection. JT and I have never discussed it, but it was always a mutual understanding to never let anything happen to you and Eli. I remember JT left a few bruises and a broken nose on a boy who used to pick on Eli in grade school. He’d been asking for it though, being an older kid and picking on Eli.”
“I never knew about that.”
“Only Dad and I knew. There were a few things we kept from Mom not to worry her and you. It’s almost as if Dad had always been raising us to take care of you if anything happened.”
I stared across at the fire as he went silent and we could hear crickets and cicadas all around us. “You should talk about this stuff more.”
“You’ve never asked about it before.” He gave me a gentle squeeze.
I kept my eyes on the flames licking the wood as I spoke again, knowing if I wasn’t half-zoned out I’d never admit to it. “I guess I never really şirinevler escort cared how you guys fared with it all. I was in my own pit of pain and when I got that picture developed about six months after they’d died… I went through all of it being surreal again. How could they have been murdered if I’d seen them happy and laughing at church mere weeks before? And then I decided that if I couldn’t have them in my life and they couldn’t be happily alive together, I wanted that kind of love so that it wouldn’t feel so claustrophobic in the world anymore. I tried my best to be there for Eli. He’d cry sometimes and I’d hug him, but I still… I could have been there for all three of you more if I wasn’t so selfish.”
“Oh, Holly…” He lifted a hand and wiped away the three tears that had fallen despite the fire preoccupation. “It wasn’t your job to take care of us all. We all still understand how it gets to you.”
“Eli was only thirteen. I should have at least taken better care of him.” I blinked away a tear before it could fall.
“I think you did. That boy would probably be worse than JT or me if someone ever hurt you.” He was stroking my arm now and I felt the calm he gave me just by that simple gesture.
I took a deep breath. “Alex, I think Eli…”
“Eli what?” His hand paused on my elbow.
“He’s…” As I searched for the right words, I decided maybe I wasn’t meant to tell him if my mouth couldn’t even form the right words. “Never mind. I just worry about him.”
He stayed still another moment before pulling me closer and pressing a kiss to my temple. “We all do. I’m so lucky I’ve got you to help me take care of him. I have no idea how to relate to that kid half the time. He’s not like any of us with our tempers, so I never know how he’s feeling.”
You’re able to relate more than you think. “He’s got a temper. It’s just more of a calm one, if that’s possible. He gets angry with me sometimes.” Like in the shower the other day. “Your temper is the one that’s always so confusing.”
I felt his lips curve into a smile where he’d kept them pressed to my temple. “Men do crazy things when there’s a woman involved.” I swallowed uneasily at that, the thought of the other two flitting across my mind. It wasn’t as if I could pretend they never did anything; I was almost positive Eli would never let me.
“Can we go shower before we go to bed?”
I felt him take a deep breath before kissing my head again. “Sure we can. Go grab your clothes and a towel.”
As I carefully got off the hammock I looked back at him. “You’re coming, too, right?”
“Of course. I won’t let those spiders get to you like Eli did.” He grinned but I shook my head.
“No, like…” I glanced toward the fire, not sure if my cheeks were warming from the closer proximity to it or if my face was turning red.
“Ah.” He got off the hammock, too. “Of course I can.” He led the way back to the tent where we’d put our bags earlier. I went to grab night clothes from my bag and paused. “Something wrong?”
I glanced to Alex where he was holding a pair of shorts, his towel, and the bag containing his soap. “No.” I pulled out underwear and a towel and grabbed my shower supplies. “I’m ready.”
We reached the dilemma of where to set our things once we got in there, but Alex quickly shed his shirt and sat it on the ground outside the shower stall, setting our towels and clothes on top. I’d carefully wrapped my panties and bra inside my towel in case Alex wasn’t keen on my idea.
I let Alex step into the shower and kill all the spiders as I shut the bathroom door before slipping my dress over my head. He turned around and saw my skin bared, immediately flicking his eyes to the door. His shoulders relaxed a little but he still pulled me into the stall and shut the curtain. He didn’t say anything though as I stripped off the rest and he dropped his shorts down. I felt his hands slip over my hips as I adjusted the water in the shower and smiled, turning around in his arms as soon as I was happy with the temperature.
He backed me into the stream of water until it was hitting us both and I pulled his head down for a kiss. My hands slowly drifted down to his chest, where he took my hands in his gently. “I didn’t bring a condom in here, so hold off.”
I sighed and pressed my cheek against his shoulder, feeling the water soak my hair and making it adhere to our skin. “I’m on birth control.”
“I don’t want to put you at any kind of risk, no matter how small.” Despite what he’d said, he pulled our lower bodies together. One of his arms reached up to where he’d placed our soaps at the top of the shower, a small lip that only he could reach, and I heard a pop before his fingers tangled into my hair and started massaging my scalp.
I shut my eyes, content as his fingers made sure to get every inch, trailing down my back to get the long strands. “You have so much hair.”
“Four inches less thanks to JT.” I pulled back as his hands left and tilted my head back into the spray. I could feel his eyes on me and rubbed at my hair to get all the soap out quickly.
“It’s still beautiful.” His hands ran down my sides, making me jerk and start a fluttering in my tummy. His thumb rubbed at my left hip and I opened my eyes to see him looking down between us.