It was a gloomy night filled with a mournful silence as we sat together, him and me, a long time after mid night. We were both sitting in his veranda which seemed a secluded temple that night. We sat beside each other but each isolated in his own mind. It had been hours since either of us had uttered a word. He had been sitting in his favorite sofa gazing vacantly toward the black barren hill, I was contemplating the shimmering lights of Jerusalem which were gleaming in the very far distance. It is a dull place for him to live: a single room in the darkest street of the town, on the roof of a high shabby building as if he wanted to be close to the moon. He was sitting in his sofa, leaning his head slightly back with the last beer in his hand. He took a sip and slowly handed me the can. I knew that he will drink no more then, so I took it, as he nodded, and put it on the floor. He sank more deeply in his sofa tilting his head further back. He was looking at the moon then. It seemed that he was weeping silently. I took two cigarettes out of my packet and extended one to him. The cigarette was so close to his face but he didn’t see it; he was distracted by the moon then, so I withdrew it and lit mine. He was startled by the flicker and turned his head to stare at me for a while as if he saw me for the first time then he turned back keçiören escort to look at the moon. He remained silent, his face pale and motionless. I thought he had fallen asleep, but after some time and as if he was talking to himself he began to murmur with a slow hesitant voice:
“…It was just like this fullmoon night when she…no…it wasn’t… no…”
I kept silent, I don’t know if I was inducing him to talk by my silence. I had no idea how to console him, how to comfort him, or to leave him by himself to say what he wanted to. It was painful for me to look at him as he sat there struggling hopelessly to express himself, so I turned to look at the glimmering lights of Jerusalem again while the pitiful vision of him kept surfacing in my mind.
“… No… it wasn’t like that Zaher… it isn’t like that…it isn’t like that… We still believe in tattered eastern ideas…but for them it isn’t like that… We still link the moon to the woman, Oh! what idiots we are!… You wouldn’t believe Zaher, she was so close to me. I was able to caress her shining blond hair, to hug her, to feel her warm soft body… Oh, but what out of that? What could that help?…Nothing… nothing at all. I had been just a stupid gullible… so I lost her… She became far away from me, even further kızılay escort than I had expected, more than I can bear. You know… if this veranda would talk it will tell you that I had been just a hopeless naive…”
I looked at him then, he was still gazing at the moon in his despair face. his lips trembling anguishly with his slightly closed eyes leaned his head on the back of the sofa.
“… This veranda witnessed our last meeting… It was just like this fullmoon night. I drank I don’t know how many beer; She drank some and wine too . She was sitting here, beside me, on this sofa. We talked about everything… everything…except love… You know Zaher!… after hours of talking she said to me; ‘enough please, I hate politics.’ and after a while she added: ‘and philosophy.’ I was shocked then to hear that, but was even more shocked to realize how stupid I was, how stupid I am… She was so close to me but we were far away from each other. I had been dying for her but it was too late. I had been dying for her love… but I didn’t dare or didn’t want it is the same… no… no… it is not the same. I was dying for her deep love, for her soul… Oh! how can I say that?… I… I wanted to burn my self with her and for her, but no… It wasn’t like that… It is different; she is very kocatepe escort different… She is a western woman and I am… What am I? Just a dreamy romantic easterner? I don’t know… I don’t know… I don’t know, but she was here. You know… She was very close to me, closer even than my own heart. I hugged her; I burned my face in her warm lovely bosom. I didn’t want her to move and she didn’t… I didn’t want more. Just I wanted to rest my tired head there. I kept my face buried there, smelling her sweet fragrant bosom. I wanted to stay forever there, so close to her heart, breathing in her scent. I wanted to die then, nothing more. I didn’t want more, but may be she did, so she left me dying, hollow, with no one to save, no one to love. She left with her shining face, such a lively face, like the moon so bright… but Oh!… She left for the other side of the world leaving my heart in complete darkness…”
At this moment I turned to look at the moon, it was departing, descending slowly behind the barren black hill, gleaming its last trace as if it was saying good-bye. I turned to look at him again. He was completely motionless, looking upward the serene sky where the moon had been two hours before. He seemed to be frozen or dead then. Did time stop for him two hours ago, or along time ago as she left him? I looked back toward the moon which was already behind the black hill. the darkness thickened. He remained silent, it was a deadly silence. I myself kept staring blankly at the shabby barren hill where I lost the moon minutes ago. We both were enfolded by the deadly darkness.