A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 03

Ava Addams

“Hey, hey…Shhh, you’re alright, baby…” The whisper made him shiver delicately, his eyes fall shut at the soothing tones in that British voice that could only belong to one. All the fear faded rapidly, expelled with a sigh. Snuggling further into Ivan’s embrace, Damien’s lips, parted for an apology, trembled as the soft brushing of fingers down his back continued.

“Another nightmare? Don’t worry, Dami, don’t apologize…” Kissing a bare shoulder, Ivan closed his eyes before pulling away, tugging the younger’s shirt collar into place. The pup gave a shuddering breath, his fingers grasping handfuls of fabric, of his shirt. Taking a dare, Ivan let his lips nuzzle a turned cheek; wide cinnamon brown locked onto his tendered green ones. For a single second, his lover stared at him with fear, the tiniest of flickers before a blink and a frail smile replaced the trigger reaction.

It was back to triggers, body memories, and endless nights of nightmares. Weeks of cuddling, wrapping protective arms around his younger, and relearning touch again. That fact that this happened again matters…Doing this all over again though… Smiling gently up at his lover, still snuggled into his side, elbow propped up, Ivan carefully tucked a few errant bangs behind an ear. If only his baby knew how far he’d go for him.

Damien looked away suddenly, not able to conceal the fact that tears had formed – he must have seen the love he felt. Sitting up, Ivan coaxed the younger to as well, and finally tried to get the other to draw his face from hiding.

“Oh, shhh, baby…No, no no…” A single touch to Damien’s trembling shoulder was enough; his beloved, crying sweetheart turned and desperately held onto him, arms twining around chest. Whispering sweet words, Ivan pressed them even closer, rocking the other gently, shushing his sobs.

“I-I’m so sorry, Ivan! I still love you! I, what we wanted…I-I’m not yours. I-I couldn’t, I didn’t-” His heart was breaking, shattering, piercing his chest. It hurt everywhere even though the bruises and cuts had faded. Despite showering and scrubbing, he still smelt the liquor and sweat from the night before. Hiccuping, he kissed at Ivan’s neck, trying to cease his cries. He couldn’t now, not while he was another’s mate. But he wanted to love, wanted it so much he began to cry again as he suckled fiercely, trailing down to Ivan’s collarbone.

Hands rested on his shoulders, trying to pull him away.

“N-no! Ivan I want to, I won’t be scared! I love you, n-not him! I just want, oh please let me go…” Realizing how pathetic he sounded, Damien turned his face away, collapsing within himself to cry into his hands. Nothing was going right. He fucked another, not Ivan. He never really got “better” after his first time and now he was the farthest from “better”. Ivan didn’t want to be touched anymore, didn’t love him. His attempt to get closer again failed, his wrists taken in Ivan’s strong grip, keeping him at a distance. His wasted tears were visible now, not even his soiled hands could hide his ugliness. His impurity.

“Damien, shhh, calm down, baby. I will let you go, but I ask you to stop kissing, nuzzling. It’s driving me crazy.” Lowering his voice, he pressed lips to one of the younger’s clenched fists. The sobbing echoed around his houseboat, making it sound even more empty, if possible. Lips pursed, holding back his words, first reaction words that were of anger and rage at the man who caused his pup to hide. They had shuffled around on the bed, and now he was kneeling, sitting up tall whereas his lover was kneeling, slumped on the bed, lower than him. Doing so as well, keeping himself level, Ivan loosened his hold on the younger’s wrists. Barely a second later, Damien tried again.

“Ivan! Don’t you-“

The wavering plea when his lover said his name was already too much. Tears were starting to gather in his green eyes as they ran over the younger’s. Swallowing back the stinging in his throat, Ivan cut him off,

“I do love you, sweetheart, I always will, no matter what happens. What happened earlier, it was not your fault. I-if anything, it’s my fault, baby, you were waiting for me. I was too slow…” Damien bowed his head, hiding with his messy, matted hair that only happened when one slept with their hair unbound. Cooing gently, Ivan edged closer on his knees, sifting through locks, lightly resting fingertips on the other’s damp cheeks,

“I still love you, Damien. But you’re not ready for anything like this, not for a while. You were hurt bad, honey, and it takes time to heal. I can wait forever until you’re ready, when we’re ready. Dammit, I will wait for you!” His voice was now a whisper; to be shouting to get the strong emotion that pounded in his heart across wouldn’t be wise.

This time he was ready for it, and locked his lover in an embrace only as tight as Damien wanted. Now he pressed kisses to the younger’s exposed neck, trailed upwards. The Gods strike him down where he knelt – Ivan wanted nothing more than to go lower, strip and make love with the güvenilir bahis pup. Be as slow and gentle as possible, bring him to an end that would surely shatter him completely. It was twice now Damien had been dragged into sex unwillingly, not knowing what a truly pleasurable experience it was. It took everything in him to continue kissing up and not down.

“The pack leaders will let another mating ritual take place tonight so- oh no, no, Damien, not another run!” He kissed those quivering lips, “A marking ritual, just for you and me. We’ll be mates, that bastard, you, and me. But I’ll keep him way, I swear it! I’ll kick his fucking ass from here to the next town if he ever touches you again.” Between sentences, their lips met, “Then you can live here with me for as long as you want! Can you imagine it?” Closing his eyes, he buried his face into Dami’s shoulder, the mere mentioning it made his heart flare. To live together as true lovers, to be able to touch and cherish everything.

They had done everything but sex, and even that was difficult. For Damien, the memories of being forced to give oral sex scared him, and for Ivan himself, was the fact how much his lover feared the past. The younger only did it once, entirely on his own – Ivan actually protested, seeing how much it troubled Dami – the British wolf had pleasured the pup more than once. Before even getting close to oral, it took months for Damien to grow accustomed to his company, even talking took a couple weeks. Damien had been in a coma when he was 16, sent into such a state by his boyfriend then, seven years Damien’s senior. Such a naive creature Damien had been, coerced into sex by the second date. He was told that ‘doing it’ was supposed to hurt alot, and it was normal to romp every day. There was a day when Damien had said no, then was pinned down and was introduced to a “game”.

It all ended with another fight one night, a push, and an 10 month hospital stay. At the time, Ivan had been Fourth in Command and was instructed to keep watch over the unconscious member of their pack. Not knowing the little pup by name, he had thought nothing of it, only felt minor concern that one of their own had taken such brutality without any of the wolves knowing. It had been a shock to match a familiar face to the name that was earlier, unimportant.

By the time the young one woke up, his apartment was no longer there, the building gone. The boyfriend was gone, sentenced to death for attempting to kill off a pack member and one so young. So Ivan’s care extended, and without anywhere else to go, Damien came to live on the houseboat.

“We’ve still got four hours before nightfall, sweetheart, how about you get some more rest?”

“I, c-can you stay here with me until I fall asleep?”

“I always do, and even while you’re sleeping, I’m gonna stay.”

*

The desire for some sort of drink with a kick in it was strong, an itching of his tongue. It had been a long time since he drank, Marie had not like the habit he had when she joined the pack, took interest in him. It wasn’t even a day and already he was back to being an alcoholic. That crap could probably kill me faster… His pacing had captured the twin’s attention again – didn’t they have anything better to do than watch him walk? Growling under his breath, he bit at his tongue, keeping away the vile need that started the whole mess in the first place.

“Hey, I’m surprised to see you up and about, Damien! How’s your ass?”

Something in Marcel’s chest collapsed, caving in, allowing disgust and guilt seep in and remain. He looked to where the voice came from, carrying loudly around the clearing. Other wolves looked as well, a few sniggering, some reproaching such a heartless comment. Awww shit… His heart twisted in shame as he watched the young pup lower his head, hide from prying eyes by his long locks and the way he molded himself to the British man’s side, actually shadowing Ivan a bit.

Marcel had seen the sparkle of tears, smelt the salt. The rest of the wolves did too and some laughed openly.

“Don’t drop your head, sweetheart, it wasn’t you who was at fault.” Anger was laced through that loud sentence, paired with a narrowed glare; Marcel looked away, not able to meet such hatred, well-deserved hatred.

The formalities soon began, the pack leaders each quoting a line to make their ritual true and binding.

*

“-may mark him, Ivan. Draw blood and then it is over.”

This could cause a few problems. Once a mating bite was given, whoever received the mark was given pleasure in pay for the paint. To be given it without choice before the pack wouldn’t help Damien’s already strong shame for feeling anything pleasurable. Stepping closer, Ivan lowered his head, his eyes running over the young one’s face that was tired, shadowed with uneasiness.

“It’s alright, baby…” Whispering, he captured his lover’s lps briefly before descending lower to the unmarked side of Damien’s neck. As he sought for the band in his pocket, Ivan looked to the pack, searching türkçe bahis and finding the bastard. Parting his mouth, he let his fangs grow just a little, enough to puncture the skin; as he did so, he took hold of his lover’s hand and slid a freshly-cleaned, gold band on the ring finger.

A moan escaped him as heat trickled into his body, all strikes starting at his neck where Ivan caressed the skin at the puncture spot, with his tongue. A warm circle moved onto one of his fingers and by the time he realized what it was, Ivan pulled his mouth away, sealing their bond. Swaying on the spot, Damien trembled, waves of pleasure crashing through him until they combined, capturing his breath. It felt amazing, even more so with Ivan reaching down to his pants, caressing his groin through the fabric, aiding him to meet such a glorious feeling.

I-It feels like, like last night…After That man, M-Marcel bit me… Why did this feel so much better than it had last night with a stranger? It was the same feeling, why did he prefer these few moments than the ones from those earlier?

*

The young one had given a sharp gasp, such a sound only a beginner in sex made. It made his groin warm with heat, his curiosity to hear what other noises the pup made. The slightly ragged, enticing pants of recovery made that heat grow. Marcel shook his head, brows knitting together in a frown of confusion – how could he think of such things? The pup had a lover, and although seemed to be a beginner, he appeared comfortable around Ivan. Well…Ivan did mention the pup had been, taken, by another before… Maybe the young one didn’t know anything about pleasure. His eyes dropped from the embracing couple, to the ground; I probably made his worries and fears worse… And he knew there was no ‘probably’ – he knew he was the cause to the dark circles under the younger’s eyes, the way he flinched at how Ivan touched his arm as they walked away from the clearing. It was nearing empty again.

“H-hey!”

Ivan turned, parted his mouth to explain he and Damian were leaving, let his gaze run up and down the alcoholic, and growled a warning if he came any closer.

“Oh, shh, I-I’m sorry…” Trailing off, certain a few tears would gather in his eyes if the pup continued to be this timid and shy. Afraid was the probably the best word to describe here. Looking around Ivan slightly, trying to capture the pup’s gaze while hiding behind the British, Marcel cleared his throat,

“Listen, I apologize to you. I am very sorry for what I did to you.” He looked around to Ivan’s side, who shuffled to block, “Please, please, Damien. I want to talk to you, please!”

Damien stopped and looked around, still in the comforting circle of Ivan’s arm. He really wants to… There was an odd shimmer in the stranger’s eyes, that had just looked up from the ground in hope. Ivan tried to usher him away, whispering that it was best to keep away from the other wolf. Part of him agreed but another said avoidance would be troublesome, and the older really did sound sorry.

“You know my name.” The pup murmured softly, taking in a deep breath, glanced at Ivan, then stepped away. Coming out in the open towards him. Marcel remained where he was, knowing it best to let the young one choose how close they would stand. The mere fact that the other drew away from his comfort source spoke of great courage, even more so as Damien came to stand before him. He was trembling finely, didn’t look at him but tried to many times, his eyes mostly focusing on anything but his eyes,

“M-my last name is Werzbeski. Heh, I know, funny to say, y-you should see it spelt…Damien Werzbeski,”

Just as he feared; his eyes began to water, gradually. If the young one continued to talk as if nothing happened, Marcel was sure he’d be forced to leave to cry alone. Swallowing back the lump growing in his throat, he gave a small chuckle and slowly raised his hand to shake the younger’s proffered one,

“My last name is Kensins, boring and ridiculously easy to spell… Marcel Kensins.” Shaking the younger’s already shaking hand, he withdrew quickly.

“I’m Ivan Matthews.” The other wolf didn’t offer his hand, and Marcel was glad, afraid that his fingers would’ve been snapped or broken.

“I wanted to apologize, Damien. I just, am sorry. Oh, and thank you very much for the roses. You went out of your way for them, didn’t you?” Damien blushed minutely, nodding silently. It felt awkward now, there was nothing else to say.

“Thanks…Well, goodnight, you two. Take care,”

*

“- least we made it! I’ve never ran so fast in my life!” Laughing in triumph, Morokai gave a high five to his twin who was at his side. Stretching his arms above his head with a yawn, the slightly elder, by mere minutes, then fumbled for the car key from his pocket.

“No fair…Don’t forget I drive next time!” Nicolai muttered playfully, moving to the passenger door. Just then, Moro happened to look around before entering their jeep. The dark cloud in his heart lifted.

“Hey, güvenilir bahis siteleri hey, it’s Dami!”

“Dami! Whoa, wait up!” Glancing behind him and Ivan, the said wolf smiled brightly – it was the twins. They always made things light and cheery, and in the second seeing them, Damien forgot everything that had happened the night before. Rushing forwards, hardly meeting their jogging pace, he reveled in the way their arms brought him in close. It was when they began to mutter into his neck and rub his back, that he remembered.

“-terrible, just watching! Oh, to have such a horrible actually happen to you, I can’t imagine…” Morokai actually shed a few tears, Damien could feel them soaking into his shirt; returning the tight embraces, he closed his eyes.

“I-I’m alright, Moro, Nico, just a bit shaken up still. Oh, no, I don’t mind this, its alright!” The two gave mewls of worry, almost drawing away, ceasing physical contact. His friends were always exchanging different ways of affection, always touching or hugging someone. They brightened at his content for this habit of theirs, and both pressed a kiss to a cheek; Damien giggled fondly, returning them. Then, one at each side of hiim, they took an elbow, as they always did, and escorted him to wherever he was going. This time, it was to Ivan’s car.

He smiled just now… It was the second time he saw the young one give one, and to have this time not be caused by him was even better. His lover seemed to be not as terrified, his nightmares and wakings in the night were far worse than this. It made him wonder if Damien was playing down his turmoil. Nicolai glanced back at him, drawing a few black bangs from his face before squeezing Damien’s arm gently and falling back. Ivan returned the smile the younger made, offered his elbow. The twin hugged him as they continued walking, then took his proffered arm,

“How are you feeling, Ivan? I mean, after what happened last night…”

“Angry and murderous at that bastard who hurt him. I was ready to kill him when he shook hands with Damien just a few minutes ago. No, I’m not angry at Damien, if you’re wondering. Gods no…I love him even more, he’s so strong. He wanted me to touch him, had me tie a blindfold over his eyes. As if that would help him. It didn’t, he’s terrified again.” He realized he was rambling; Nicolai merely patted his forearm, spurring him on.

“I feel at fault for all this…He was waiting at the place we arranged to meet. It was me, I was too slow, I didn’t realize I was being followed. I just, I couldn’t wait to get to him, it’d mean we could finally l-love…” Ivan trailed off, not realizing he stopped walking.

“Hey…It’s alright now, the ritual was done. And don’t worry, Marcel could be gone tomorrow, or whenever! That would mean it’d be just you and Dami.” Nico moved in for a hug, but was stopped, Ivan frowning oddly at him,

“What do you mean? Is he going somewhere?”

“Marcel is the offered tribute if the neighboring clan ever decides to take up on our clan’s offer. Remember when one of our pack tried to kill off the other clan’s members? Both clan leaders decided tribute was in order, and they haven’t decided when they wanted it. Didn’t you know? I thought Fifths and lower numbers knew it. Oh, and the only reason is that Moro and I know it is because our Mother told us about it because she heard it from third in command.”

They caught up with the other two, said their goodnights, and left for home.

*

Tucking the car keys back in his jacket pocket, Ivan let his breath out in a sigh, tucking his bangs behind his ears. Looking to Damien, Ivan waited for the other to look up, smile growing. The younger deliberately looked away, not before Ivan could see his mirroring smile. Chuckling, he leaned over and pressed a kiss upon Dami’s head,

“Come on, silly, I’ll fix up some supper.”

Damien helped as well, setting the table for two, chopping up tomatoes for their salad, and boiling water for tea. It was hard to focus on cooking with his little lover bustling around, his locks trailing after him in a ponytail. That dark blue apron always looked cute on him, the strings wrapping around his waist twice before tying at the back. And the smile on his luscious lips was reassuring to see. I thought he’d be nervous or flustered… Ivan returned his attention back to the frying pan, bringing his spatula to mix the chopped meat and vegetables. It was the night of their mating ritual – a few days ago, Damien told him, with much blushing as he disliked telling how he felt about intimate things, how he wanted to make love the night of their bonding. Did he still want to?

“Al–right, that’s enough! You’re just too cute to pass by me again!” After turning off the stove burner, setting down his kitchen utensil, Ivan scooped his arms around Damien, catching him as he went by. They shared a laugh, the younger falling into giggles from his butterfly kisses. His hands couldn’t stay still, the palms running up and down the young one’s back, massaging gently. The spontaneous action, meant for only a few seconds of fun, quickly became a more than brief contact. Gods, his skin was burning, Dami’s fingers lacing behind his neck and dragging him closer as they kissed, explored each other’s mouth.

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