I jerked awake, sitting upright and looking around the room. At first, I could not place where I was, but the sleeping form of my twenty-year-old lover, Jessi, put it all in context. I was in her small studio apartment, and a dream had awakened me. I drew in a long, slow breath and tried to concentrate on the dream, but whatever had been happening in it had now slipped away. All I knew was that it had involved Jessi and being lost in smothering darkness.
An involuntary groan escaped my mouth when I looked at the clock and saw 3:17 in glowing blue numbers. I lay back down and tried to relax, but my mind refused to go along. Over and over, I thought about the events of the previous night, both at the restaurant and when we had returned to Jessi’s apartment. I identified numerous times when I could have, and I knew should have, either diffused the situation or just exited from it. Instead, I had fallen into the trap of doing what I wanted, which was exactly what she wanted me to make her do. Sure, I could try to justify it to myself because she went along with everything even though she was angry, but I knew better. I had used her how she wanted me to use her, not because she wanted that, but because I did.
“If you can’t sleep, you can fuck me,” the blonde murmured, turning to face me, eyes half-open and small grin on her face. “No point wasting all that energy tossing and turning.”
“I’m sorry I woke you,” I said, rubbing her bare hip as I spoke. “It had a, um, disturbing dream. Now I cannot remember it.”
“So, you’re not worrying about earlier?”
I did not reply, because I knew Jessi already knew what my answer would be. I just continued rubbing the soft warmth of her hip and side.
“You shouldn’t be. You took what you wanted, then made me do what you wanted.”
“Were you ever really angry?” I asked, sitting up and looking down at her. “Or was it just part of your role?”
“I was fucking pissed, Mark. Still am, really.”
“And that’s why you want me to make love to you now? I mean, I know that is what you keep telling me, but it seems so, well, wrong.”
“First, I don’t want you to make love to me right now. I said you could fuck me if you can’t sleep. Second, I also keep telling you I’m fucked up. I hope that if I tell you that over and over you’ll really believe me someday and we can get past you agonizing over treating me like what I am.”
“I thought we both agreed to try, not just me,” I pointed out.
“Oh, we’re doing this instead of fucking?” she groaned, pushing herself up beside me so that we were sitting facing each other. “Ok. I’ll wait. I’m ready any time you are, just so you know.”
“You just woke up. How can you be ready?”
“I can’t believe you still ask me shit like that.”
We stared at each other for several seconds. When it was clear that neither of us was going to say anything else, I turned away from her, slid off the bed, and walked to where the pile of my clothes lay on the floor.
“So, you’re just going to leave, is that it?” Jessi asked, and I was not sure if I heard anger or hurt in her tone.
“I cannot keep doing this, Jessi. It’s too much. The dream was about you, and it was not good. I remember that much.”
“Then get the fuck out, since that’s what you’re trying to convince yourself you want. Or fuck me and stay, like you really want. It’s up to you.”
“Which do you want?”
“I’m ready for whichever.”
“That is not what I asked.”
“I know, but I’m telling you to do whichever you want. What I want is not the problem.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. For a moment I longed for the Jessi who was anxious and would shut down if things became too stressful. At least I knew where I stood with her. This new version where she became almost apathetic under stress left me uncertain of how to proceed. It was at that moment that a new realization made its way into my thoughts. The apathy was just another way of her shutting down under stress. Instead of withdrawing from me, both physically and emotionally, she was just submitting herself to whatever I wanted.
“You want me to decide so you do not have to,” I told her. “I will not take control of you in the manner you want, or think you want, so you are manipulating the situation so that I have to take control, one way or the other.”
“Yep, that’s me. A manipulative bitch. Great insight, Mr. Warner,” the young blonde sneered as she rolled her eyes.
“I am leaving,” I said as I started to dress.
“Fine. I’ve got my vibrators. And you’ve got your hand, and Big Tits too, of course. So, at least we can both still get off when we want.”
“You are just saying that because you are trying to protect yourself, Jessi,” I sighed. “I understand. This is your new way of shutting down, of withdrawing. I see it now. And we can work on this, together.”
The muscles of Jessi’s face tensed for a second or two as her eyes went lifeless. But that look passed in the next instant, and her face returned to its neutral expression.
“I’m tuzla bayan escortlar sure you’re right, Mark,” she shrugged. “With more work, I can be just what you want me to be.”
“That is not what I am saying, Jessi, and you know it.”
“Fine. Whatever. You think I’m making you make the decisions, right? Tell you what, I’ll make one now. You’re leaving. And here’s another-don’t text or call me. I’ll decide when I want to talk to you, or see you, or fuck you, again.”
“Fine,” I replied as I put on my shoes. “I will abide by your decisions.”
I made it all the way to the door before Jessi spoke again.
“So, who’s it going to be? Big Tits are Freckle Tits?”
“Who’re you going to run to and fuck?”
“Who is ‘Freckle Tits’?”
“The waitress. The one who was shoving them in your face, especially after that tip.”
“You mean Sheri?”
“Fuck, Mark. You remember her name? Did you really throw away her number?”
“You saw me do it.”
“I saw you throw something away.”
“It was the receipt. I am not going to call her or do anything else with her. And you know better.”
“Yeah, because you draw the line at being with me, Jessika, and Amara. At least once with Amara, anyway. Or was it just the once? I really don’t know, I guess. You could be fucking her too.”
“I did not plan any of this, Jessi,” I snapped, unable to stop myself. “I never thought I would be with anyone like either you or Jessika, let alone at the same time. I mean, with the two of you separately at the same time. Well, that’s not quite right either, but you know what I mean.”
“Oh, I do. I really do. We won’t do it at the same time like you want. Well, she won’t. And I wouldn’t now either, if it came to that.”
“That is not what I meant.”
“Yeah, you keep saying that, but I think it is. That’s why you won’t choose. You want to keep fucking us both and hoping maybe, just maybe, she’ll agree to the three of us. Like I said, she won’t. And I won’t. So, you are shit out of luck. Might as well just pick one of us while you still can, before you fuck it up like you did your marriage.”
“You are making it easy right now to think about choosing only one of you.”
“Yeah? Maybe that’s by design, Mr. Warner.”
I thought of several things I could say, but I did not say any of them. Instead, I turned, yanked open the door to her apartment, stepped through it, and slammed it behind me. I did not look back as I went down the stairs.
I woke in my own bed just after noon on Saturday. When I returned home from Jessi’s apartment early in the morning, I had not believed that sleep would be possible. But after only a few minutes of restless movement, I had succumbed. My fight with Jessi had left me both physically and emotionally exhausted.
I thought again about everything that had happened between my young lover and me. It was clear that everything from denying her an orgasm so she would go along with a ‘normal’ date to our sexual activities after the date had been a mistake. There were two things, however, that I did not believe were mistakes-throwing away the freckle-faced waitress’s number and leaving Jessi’s apartment.
After I realized that dwelling on it would not do me any good, I forced myself to get out of bed and take a shower. But the shower just gave me more time to again go over my problems with Jessi in my mind, so I cut it short and tried to think of something I could do that would distract me. First, I texted Jessika to see how her weekend was going.
“Fine,” and a smiley face were her responses, followed by, “But these kids are running me ragged.”
“How is your sister?” I replied.
“Pretty good, I guess. Her husband is an asshole. He cheated on her. Men are pigs.”
“What about me?” I asked, and a few minutes went by before Jessika answered.
“That might be a bad question to ask me right now,” she finally sent back. “I would’ve said ‘not you’ last weekend. Right now, I’m feeling a little different. I don’t want to, but I do. Sorry. I probably shouldn’t have said all that.”
I stared at my phone for what felt like hours, then I typed, “I understand. I will let you go back to your family. Have a nice rest of your weekend.”
“Don’t be mad, Mark,” Jessika texted seconds later. “This will pass. Promise.”
“Okay. You have a good weekend too.”
That was the end of our exchange, and it left me feeling even worse than before. Jessi had reminded me that she did not like it that I was involved with Jessika, and now Jessika had all but told me she was feeling the same way about Jessi. Of course, I knew some of it with the brunette probably stemmed from talking to her sister about her sister’s cheating husband, but that did not make me feel much better about myself.
Not wanting to stay at home and feel bad, I took a drive up into the mountains, although not to the area I had gone with Jessi two weeks prior. The drive helped me escort tuzla bayanlar clear my head a bit, but it did not make me feel any better.
After a fitful night’s sleep, I started Sunday morning as a repeat of Saturday, at least with respect to my mental state. However, as the day wore one, I made myself do what I always did when things grew complicated with Jessi and Jessika-I focused on work. At first, I had to read and re-read the essays I was attempting to grade. But after an hour or so, I was able to concentrate better, and I fell into a distracting rhythm. So, it was with some surprise that I saw it was after 8:00 pm when my doorbell disrupted my focus.
I thought about not answering the door. I suspected it was Jessi, and I did not want to face her, at least not so soon after our fight. But when It rang again, I made myself get up. And when I looked out the peephole, I was glad I did. I pulled the door open.
“Hi Jessika,” I said, smiling at my brunette lover. “You look beautiful.”
Jessika, who was wearing a long, gray coat I had not seen before, smiled one of her ear-to-ear smiles and stepped into my house. I reached out to take her waist in my hands, but she put her hands on my chest and shook her head.
“Close the door, Mark,” she instructed as she walked passed me and into my living room.
I did as she said, then turned to look at her. Once I had caught her eye, Jessika undid the belt on her coat then let it slide down her naked body. For several seconds, all I could do is stare at my lover as she stood in my living room wearing only a pair of high-heeled boots.
“Don’t say anything, Mark,” the brunette told me, reaching her hand out.
I stepped up to her and took her offered hand. Jessika gave me a quick kiss, then turned and led me to my bedroom.
“Undress,” she said before lying back on my bed, her boots still on.
“Are you going to take those off,” I asked, pointing to her footwear as I disrobed.
“Nope,” Jessika grinned. “at least not yet.”
“You want to do it with them on?”
“Do what, Mark?”
“Make love,” I suggested as I climbed on the bed and moved between her now wide-spread legs.
“No, fuck,” she corrected, squeezing her augmented breasts together as she stared up at me. “I want you to fuck me with my boots on. I thought about it all the way over here.”
Returning her stare, I dropped my hand between her legs and ran my fingers along her moist labia. Jessika shuddered, then pulled at her hard, thick nipples.
“You sure seem ready,” I said, and to prove my point further I slid to fingers inside of her.
“Yep, sure am,” she confirmed. “Now shut up and fuck me.”
I removed my fingers from inside of her, then sucked them clean. Jessika moaned and closed her eyes for a moment. And while her eyes were closed, I moved into position and rammed myself into her wet pussy. In an instant, wide gray eyes were staring up at me as my brunette lover grabbed my arms and squeezed.
“You liked that, huh?” I asked Jessika.
“Fuck yes,” she breathed. “I’ve wanted you all weekend.”
“Then what was that about not wanting to say if I was a ‘pig’ when we were texting?”
“We’ll talk about that later, Mark,” she groaned, bucking her hips up against mine. “Just fuck me, please.”
I lowered myself against her and thrust my tongue into her mouth. Jessika moaned around it and pushed hers back at me. And while we kissed, her hips continued to meet each of my thrusts with growing urgency.
Raising back up, I steadied myself with one arm and reached my other hand between her legs. Maybe twenty seconds after I found her clit, my brunette lover squeaked through an orgasm. However, she did not quit pushing her hips up against mine, and I did not quit ramming into her or fingering her most sensitive spot. So, it did not take too much longer until Jessika was climaxing again. This time, her whole body shuddered, and her squeaks came faster and louder.
“Get off,” she ordered once she could speak again, her hands pushing against my chest.
“Okay,” I agreed, pulling out of her, unsure of what was happening.
“On your back,” she grinned as she scooted to the end of the bed and removed her boots.
When I had done as she said and she as free of her footwear, Jessika moved between my legs and engulfed my wet penis into her warm mouth. I lay back, thinking she was going to finish me with that talented mouth, but my buxom lover had other ideas. She pulled her lips from my shaft, then scooted forward until her breasts were brushing against my groin. She rubbed her augmented bosom against my erection several times, then again moved forward.
“You like it when I do this, don’t you, Mark?” Jessika asked, gray eyes shining, as she rubbed her soft pubic hair up and down my now almost painfully hard penis.
“Yes,” I croaked, my hands squeezing her perspiration slicked breasts.
“You like it even better when gebze escort I ride your cock, right?” she teased, adjusting herself so that the head of my shaft was just nudging against her ready opening.
“God yes,” I agreed, sliding my hands down her sides and then onto her rounded bottom. Once I had a grip, I tried to pull her down onto me. The brunette resisted at first, then she let herself sink down so that I filled her in one smooth motion, a shiver running through her body when she had all of me inside of her.
“I love the way you fill me, Mark,” she sighed, biting the corner her bottom lip after the words had left her mouth.”
“I love filling you, Baby,” I moaned, my grip holding her tight against me as I tried to accustom myself to the feel of her snug wetness around me.
“You want to let go so I can fuck you,” she after we remained that way for a bit. “I have these big boobs you can play with while I ride you.”
“Yes, you do,” I smiled, but I kept my hands on her derriere. “But I want to stay like this a little while longer.”
“But I want to come again,” she countered, reaching behind to move my hands from her bottom to her waist.
We were both silent for a few seconds, then Jessika began to raise and lower herself with slow, deliberate movements. I used my hands on her waist to lift myself far enough off the bed to lick her thick, hard nipples. Moaning, Jessika lowered herself so I could nibble and suck.
“God, you keep that up and it won’t take me long.”
“Good. I love making you come.”
“Well, I think in this instance I’m making myself come,” she teased through increasingly ragged breaths. “But I appreciate the sentiment.”
My only response was to take the nipple that I had been sucking between my teeth and pull on it. When Jessika whimpered, I let it pop free, which prompted a shudder and a moan, followed by a marked increase of her tempo.
“Okay, you’re contributing,” she admitted, brushing her hair back from where it had fallen in front of her face.
The next couple of minutes proceeded without us speaking, although our breathing and moans meant that we were far from silent. And in that time, I realized that my arousal was quickly reaching the point of no return. I thought about asking the brunette to slow down, since I wanted to make sure she climaxed too, but I was enjoying the sensations too much.
“Are you close?” Jessika asked, her pretty features coated with a glistening sheen to match the shine of her bouncing breasts. “
“Yes,” I groaned. “Are you?”
“Yes,” she rasped. “Are you going to shoot your cum inside my pussy?”
“You want me to fill you?”
“Fuck yes. Fill me up. Claim me.”
“As my lover?”
“As whatever you want, Mark,” Jessika replied, eyes locked on mine.
“As my cute little Squeaker, then?”
“If ‘cute’ gets me this, then yes.”
“Fuck, Jessika. I’m coming,” I announced, exploding inside of her.
“Shit, I can feel it,” the brunette exclaimed before her eyes rolled up and her vagina tensed around my shaft.
Jessika settled on top of me, shaking and squeaking, as I massaged her breasts. When her climax subsided, we stayed that way for several seconds. For most of that time, my lover’s eyes were closed. Then she opened them and smiled down at me.
“That was great, Mark,” she grinned before leaning down to kiss me.
“I love your squeaks, Jessika,” I told her. “And I…”
Shaking her head, she put her fingers to my lips.
“Don’t say anything else, Mark,” my lover said, sliding off and lying down beside me. “Let’s just lay here. You can rub me if you want, of course.”
“Turn on your side, back to me,” I suggested.
When she had done so, I started running my hand from her thigh to her upper torso, then back down. Jessika let out a long sigh, then moved even closer to me.
“Should we talk about the ‘all men are pigs’ thing now,” I whispered in her ear, massaging her bottom at the same time.
“Nope. I’m over it. Talking about it might change that. Okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“Good,” Jessika sighed, rolling over so she faced me. “I don’t like spending our time together talking about things I don’t really want to talk about.”
I started to tell her I did not like that either, but a kiss stopped me.
“Hey Mark, could you run out to my car? I have a bag of clothes in it,” Jessika called from my shower.
I knew she wouldn’t hear me, so I did not respond. Instead, I pulled on a shirt and sweats, then hurried out to where her car was parked on the street in front of my house. Since I had not planned to be out there long, I went barefoot. But once I reached her car, I realized I did not have the keys. I ran back in, shivering.
“I need your keys,” I hollered so the brunette would hear me above the shower.
“In my purse,” she replied.
“Where is your purse?”
For a moment, the running water was the only noise coming from my bathroom.
“Fuck!” Jessika yelled at the same time the shower stopped. “In the fucking car.”
“I can take you to your apartment then to work,” I said, grabbing a pair of shoes and a coat.
“My apartment keys are in the car,” Jessika told me, emerging from my bathroom wearing only a damp towel, which had molded itself to her lovely curves.