Bad Pastor Ch. 02: Short Bus


While the people, places, and events found herein are all based on actual people, places, and events, I have changed them all so significantly so as to protect the innocent (and the guilty) that they don’t really resemble reality. These are basically real-life inspired works of fiction.


Let’s talk about Penelope Warren.

Everybody calls her Penny. As she puts it, the only people who have ever called her Penelope are her grandparents and one of her law professors at the University of North Carolina, a man who she described as being old enough to have lived through the rise and fall of the Roman Empire.

Penny is First Baptist’s operations director and general counsel. She graduated from UNC Law in May of 2006, at the same time I graduated from Duke Divinity, passed the North Carolina Bar Exam, and was hired by First Baptist about three months after I was. She and I have a friendly, if sometimes contentious, working relationship.

You see, as operations director, she is in charge of anything to do with the church property, and as the associate pastor who leads youth programming, I have ideas about what should be done with the church property. Needless to say, these views do not always dovetail with one another. There has been more than one board meeting wherein we have had a rather testy exchange of words in front of the rest of the board. But no matter how up in arms we may get during the board meeting, we always resolve our differences over a beer at the Irish pub that is exactly 501 feet away from the church (by law, it cannot be within 500 feet, and the owner decided to push that law as hard as he could).

Above and beyond being a good person to share a drink with, I’ve always been willing to give Penny a bit of a pass on our disagreements because she is, simply put, quite easy on the eyes. A mix of African-American, Cherokee, and Scottish heritage came together to create a stunning woman. Skin the color of a latte, straight black hair, green eyes, and a killer physique all made for a drool-worthy look, with her unbelievably athletic body accentuated by perky, not-too-big, not-too-small tits, and an ass that while not quite in Sir Mix-a-Lot territory would nonetheless make the average man with any inclination toward women, a heartbeat, and working eyes sit up and pay attention.

Did I mention that Penny found her way into my spank bank about six days after I met her? She came to a pool party that we had for the youth to kick off the school year, and even though she wore a relatively modest one piece bathing suit, it was more than enough to wind up my very active imagination. My apologies if that’s too much information, but I cannot overstate her attractiveness.

Well, at the December board meeting, as she and I were both coming up on our first Christmas on staff at the church, we got into what, throughout the tenure of our professional working relationship, would remain the most caustic of spats we ever had, this one over the church bus.

The church bus was a giant piece of shit. It was a 1970 GMC H-series 26 passenger bus that had been retired from the service of Buncombe County Public Schools some time during the Reagan administration (the old district name was still faintly visible through the sloppy paint job slapped on some twenty years prior). Its diesel engine had already broken down twice in the seven months I had been there. A week before, while taking a group of older members on a day trip out to Asheville to see Christmas at the Biltmore, I found myself barely able to keep the bus at 25 mph at some points on the climb up to Asheville out of Hickory. The bus needed to find itself a new home, preferably in a junk yard.

Of course the church’s operations director/lawyer saw things differently. VERY differently. Fortunately, the board moderator intervened before things got too out of hand. After that, though, unless we absolutely had to speak to one another, Penny and I did not interact for several days.

That, of course, did not stop me from going home and flogging the bishop while thinking about her, although at this juncture, the thoughts were about hate-fucking her until she couldn’t walk.

Almost two weeks after the board meeting, on the Wednesday before Christmas, there was a knock on my office door. “Got a minute?” Penny asked, walking into my office in a way that implied it didn’t matter whether I had a minute or not.

“Yeah, I guess,” I sighed. “What’s up?”

“Take a walk with me,” she replied, turning to walk out of my office. As she did so, her butt bounced a little bit, and I swear to God she was doing it on purpose, just to get a rise out of me.

She was getting a rise out of me, alright, just probably not in the way she expected.

Shaking my head, I got up from behind my desk, adjusted the half-chub that Penny’s ass had provoked, and followed her out of my office. I had better things to do with my time, dammit, but her blood canlı bahis was clearly up and I didn’t feel like getting in an argument with her.

She stalked out of the office, out of the administration building, across the parking lot, and to the bus. “Oh, for Christ’s sake,” I muttered to myself. Just what I wanted to do today, argue about the bus.

Unlocking it, she climbed up inside, and then turned to look back down at me. “So, explain to me again what’s wrong with this bus?”

Rolling my eyes, I climbed the steps, but she did not move, leaving me standing a step below her, my eyes level with her outstanding boobs. For the moment that I was on eye level with them, I couldn’t help but notice that she was wearing a top that day that showed off a lot of cleavage, and even appeared to have added a touch of glitter to her decolletage. Not a lot of glitter, but enough that it would catch the light and attract the eye’s attention. It was almost as if she WANTED me to look at her boobs.

But this was neither the time nor the place. I had a point to make. “May I?” I asked, forcing a note of sarcasm into my voice as I indicated the driver’s seat.

With a shrug and a shake of her head as if to say, “Whatever,” she stepped aside. “Please go look out the back window,” I requested.

As she stepped toward the back of the bus, I sat down and inserted the key into the ignition. I turned it, and the engine coughed, coughed some more, whined, coughed again, farted like an incontinent rhinoceros, and finally wheezed its way to life. I depressed the gas pedal, and as I expected, an enormous cloud of black smoke came billowing out the end of the bus.

Stepping up from the driver’s seat, I left the bus running, its engine creating a racket on par with Capuchin monkeys playing Nickelback, and walked back to Penny. “Do you see what I mean?” I asked her. “The engine has had major maintenance done on it twice just since I’ve been here and this is STILL what we’re working with.”

“It’s completely normal for a diesel engine to put out smoke and sound rough when it’s started cold,” she shot back.

“It’s fifty-three degrees outside right now,” I replied. “The engine should be fine, and it sure as hell shouldn’t look like we’re rolling coal.”

“It gets people from point A to point B, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, sure, if by ‘getting’ you mean moving at the same speed as a turtle on Ritalin.”

“It’s perfectly safe!”

“It’s not safe! It’s a joke! It’s got welds coming apart all over the body! This bus is unsafe at any speed!”

Penny’s eyes looked like they were about to bug out of her head. A vein was popping out in the center of her forehead, and her face was turning red. “This bus was a gift to the church from the Baptist Women’s Ministry!” she screamed. “Do you have any idea the kind of shit I will have to endure if I even breathe a hint of a suggestion that we get rid of it?!”

That was about all I could take. “I don’t give a good goddamn if this bus was a gift from Roger Williams himself!” I shouted back. “If the Baptist Women’s Ministry is so attached to this rolling turd, they can go to the junkyard with it!”

And with that, the engine rattled, coughed, belched out a cloud of disturbingly blue smoke, and died. Penny and I stood there in the middle of that rattletrap bus, staring at one another, both breathing heavily, clearly pissed off at one another. I thought things were about to get very ugly.

So suffice it to say I was not at all prepared for her to step forward, grab the sides of my face, pull me to her, and kiss me.

Now, you might think that this is the part of the movie where I react to the pretty girl kissing me by passionately embracing her and ratcheting up the heat quotient, but that is pretty much the opposite of what I did. In fact, I think the most accurate way to describe my reaction would be “eyes wide open, staring straight ahead in shock, not responding in any way to the kiss.”

Penny pulled back. “Oh… um…” She clearly thought she had fucked up, big time. “I’m sorry… I didn’t… oh, shit.”

Pushing past me, Penny started down the stairs. “Wait…” I croaked, my throat dry.

She paused and looked back up at me. “Yes?”

“There’s something… uh, something you need to see in the back of the bus.”

Without looking back, I started toward the end of the bus. I had not come to work that day expecting to get laid, but now the universe was offering me a chance. Yes, it was a chance that would take place on a filthy, stinky old diesel bus, but there was no way I was going to pass up a chance to have sex with Penny Warren, even if it was on the bus.

Also, this way, the next time I saw ancient old Mrs. McKinley, the subtly racist matriarch of the Baptist Women’s Ministry, I could stand there with a cocky grin on my face, thinking to myself about how I fucked a black woman on her precious piece of crap bus. Immature? Oh yes. But no less amusing.

Penny climbed back up into the bahis siteleri bus behind me, and pulled the door shut behind her. As I turned around and looked at her, she began unbuttoning her shirt as though her life depended on it. By the time she reached me, it and her jacket were cast aside, landing haphazardly on one of the seats.

Pulling her to me, I kissed her. She kissed back, hungrily, almost desperately. It felt almost as though we had both seen it going this way for a while, and were now finally acknowledging it. I pressed her against me, my hands behind her back, fumbling with the clasp on her bra…

And fumbling with it…

And some more… “Oh, goddammit,” I muttered, pulling away from her. Leaning over Penny’s shoulder, I looked down at the bra clasp and finally got it undone. As the bra fell off her shoulders and revealed her glorious breasts, she looked at me with a smirk. “Somebody’s rusty…”

“Oh, shut up,” I grumbled.

Her smirk turned into a grin. “Gladly,” she replied. “I just need something I can put in my mouth to keep me quiet… now, where might I find… ah.”

As she spoke, her hands were sliding down my body, until they both came to rest on my crotch, where my half-chub that had never quite gone away had now turned into a full blown raging tower of boner. “That will indeed do the trick,” she said, unzipping my fly and reaching her left hand inside my pants. Out came my dick, the tip of which she gently rubbed with the tip of her thumb. “Looks like somebody’s been thinking about this for a moment,” she giggled, rubbing the precum that had already leaked out in a circle around the base of the head.

I had no response. In fact, I’m not sure I could’ve spoken English at that moment. Just the mere feeling of her thumb gently rubbing around the head of my dick was bliss. But it was nothing compared to the moist, velvety warmth I felt a moment later as she parted her lips and slipped half of my dick into her mouth.

Wrapping her lips around the halfway point of my shaft, she closed her mouth. Her tongue swirled around the head, licking down the underside and back up again and making my knees go weak. Pulling her head back, she let my dick slip back out of her mouth, a ring of lipstick remaining where her mouth had closed. “Sit,” she instructed, pointing at a seat.

I sat, still fully clothed, rampant erection sticking out of the fly of my jeans. Undoing her slacks, she pulled them down around her knees, revealing a lacy black thong that may as well not have been there, for all that it did – or didn’t – cover. Turning around to face away from me, she gently sat down in my lap. My dick nestled into her ass crack. She slid up and down against it a couple of times, and then slid up so that it sprang between her legs. Pulling her thong aside, she reached down and guided the head of my dick so that it rested just between the lips of her pussy.

“Mmmmhmmm, that’s good,” she sighed. “I really want that inside of me, but you have to do something for me first, okay?”

I would’ve set my hair on fire and run down the street screaming, “Hail, Satan,” at that point to get my dick inside of her, and yet, I was still unprepared for what she asked. “I need you to give the bus a rest.”

Oh, HELL no. I don’t care that she was teasing me, the head of my dick literally millimeters from plunging into her soaking wet hot pussy, she was NOT going to use this to get me to let the issue die. However, I was also not going to give her the chance to get away, so I grabbed her hips and held her tightly in place before I answered. “Nope,” I replied. “This bus can die in a fire.”

“Ooooh, you don’t mean that,” she teased, stroking the underside of my dick with a finger. “We just… need to find a compromise.”

“I’ve got a compromise for you,” I said. “Fuck this bus.”

And before she could react, I pulled her downward and thrust my dick all the way into her pussy. “Oh, you bastard,” she moaned as the head of my dick slid into her warm, tight, wet tunnel. “You weren’t supposed to get to do that.”

“I can take it back out,” I whispered in her ear.

“Don’t you fucking dare…”

Penny leaned back against me and started gently riding me. Each time her body came down, her tits bounced a little bit. I grabbed her bouncing tits and started rubbing her nipples, provoking a gasp. I leaned down and began kissing her neck as she reached down a hand, rubbing her clit gently.

I could feel Penny’s pussy getting wetter the longer we fucked, and after a couple of minutes, I began to feel it tighten around my dick. “Oh, God,” she sighed. Her nipples grew rock hard under my fingers, and I knew she was on the verge of cumming. Her fingers worked more frantically on her clit, rubbing it more aggressively as she approached orgasm. Her head fell back on my shoulder, her mouth open as if she was screaming, but no sound came out.

And that was the moment at which I witnessed the quietest orgasm I’ve ever seen. It was canlı bahis siteleri wild. I could tell her body was being wracked by a powerful orgasm, as she shook and her pussy spasmed around my dick, but no sound came out of her mouth. After about twenty seconds, her body relaxed and her pussy loosened a little. Her movements slowed to a stop as she rested against me, my cock still filling her.

“Oh… my… God…” she finally whispered after a moment. “That may have been the best orgasm I’ve ever had with a guy.”

I grinned, but poked back at her. “You’re just stroking my ego so I shut up about the bus, aren’t you?”

“No way,” she sighed. “If I’d wanted to do that, I would’ve fed you a lie about having the biggest dick I’ve ever had.”

And with that, she turned and looked at me, a wicked grin on her face. “Weren’t expecting that one, were you?”

“Ice cold,” I responded. “But I get the feeling -” I grabbed her hips again and thrust my dick, still inside her, as deep as it would go, drawing a sharp gasp from her “- that I’m just the right size.”

She nodded. “Yeah, oh, that you definitely are,” she said. Planting her feet on the floor of the bus, she stood up. My dick slid out of her pussy, a wet slurping sound following as it tried to hold onto me. “I don’t think that you’ve cum yet, though, oh Mister Right-Size Dick.”

“That I have not,” I replied. Standing up behind her, I undid my pants the rest of the way and let them fall to the ground. Pushing up behind her, I pulled her thong down and over her ass, letting it fall down around her ankles and then let my dick wedge in her ass crack. “Let’s fix that.”

Penny bent over and grabbed onto two seats, then arched her back so that her ass was thrust in the air. “Fuck me… REVEREND,” she said, a naughty grin crossing her face. “Fuck me as HARD AS YOU CAN.”

I did not have to be asked twice. Bending my knees slightly, I let my dick slide down so that its head rested in the outer lips of her pussy again. I pushed forward, letting it slide agonizingly slowly into her once more.

“Ohhhh,” she moaned. “God, that feels good… but it’s not what I told you to do!”

“Don’t you worry,” I said. “I’m going to do exactly what you told me to do.”

Pulling back, I let my dick slide almost all the way out, leaving just the head inside. Then, I thrust it back in as hard as I could. I started slam fucking Penny, my thighs slapping against her ass cheeks and filling the bus with a SMACK SMACK SMACK sound.

“Jesus Christ!” she yelped. Her tits bounced back and forth as I continued to fuck her like my life depended on it. I was holding onto her hips for dear life, moving her back and forth to help with the motion.

The harder I fucked her, the sloppier her pussy got, with a mix of precum practically gushing out of the head of my dick and her pussy producing more and more juices. I caught a glimpse of her face reflected in the window and saw that her jaw had gone slack, her eyes halfway closed. “Fuuuuuck…” she moaned.

As I got closer to orgasm myself, I could feel my balls begin to tighten. I can usually tell how big an orgasm I’m going to have my the feeling in my balls and the base of my dick, and this one felt like it was going to be huge. My dick grew a touch harder as I got closer and closer to orgasm. My vision began to go blurry and I started to feel light-headed. And then, all of a sudden, it was as though somebody had pulled the pin on a jizz grenade and tossed it straight into my ballsack.

“GAAAAAAHHHHH!” I roared, pulling all the way out of Penny and unleashing the first blast of cum onto her pussy. Five more followed, each of them growing less and less, until the sixth one was just a little blob of cum that squeezed its way out of the head of my cock.

It took Penny a moment to realize that I had just covered the outside of her pussy in cum. “Oh, shit!” she yelped, reaching a hand down to catch it, but it was too late. My cum had already dripped down into her pants, leaving a spreading wet spot.

She stood up, turned around and crossed her arms under her boobs, glaring at me. “You did that on purpose, you son of a bitch.”

“I did nothing of the sort!” I protested. Then I grinned. “But if you let me have a new bus, I promise that I won’t do that next time.”

Penny’s eyebrows practically shot off her forehead, but she smiled nonetheless. “Oh, so you think there’s going to be a next time, huh?”

My grin got wider. “I’m pretty sure there is.”


After getting off on the bus and then getting off of the bus, Penny had locked it and made a beeline to her car. A homeless guy walking through the parking lot looked at her and then at me, and somehow he knew. “You hit that, brother?” he asked.

I just grinned, earning myself a sharp kick in the ass.

An hour later, I was in my office, when Penny walked in. She was wearing the same jacket and shirt as before, but her cum-stained pants were now gone, replaced with a pencil skirt. “Hello, Reverend,” she purred as she shut the door behind her. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” I said. “What’s up?”

“Let’s talk about the bus you’re not getting.”

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