Cuck’s RevengeHer betrayal was way too much. I’d been in Afghanistan for six months when the first cryptic email arrived. It was from the same email provider as the one my wife used. The “name” of the sender didn’t help me at all. I’d never heard of COAngler. It had a subject line that read, “Congratulations!”I figured it was an ad that snuck past the spam filters, but I opened it anyway. The note said, “Congratulations! There was a party at your house last night and your wife did three guys. Tom Stanton, Josh Mays & Manuel Garcia. Condoms were used. Lots of condoms.”I knew all three named men. Before I was called up we had been friends. I wanted to believe the email wasn’t true, that some asshole lied to me. I shut down the computer and went on patrol. The focus needed when on patrol kept me from spending much time thinking about the email and all it might mean.Helen and I had been married four years. I’d been in the reserves before we met and she knew about the possibility of a call up. She also knew the reserve money helped pay off my college loans. In the Humvee headed back to base I thought about the two weeks before I shipped out. We had rented a cabin by a lake. We spent the twelve days together, boating, fishing, hiking, swimming and fucking. The nearest other cabin to ours was four miles away on the other side of the lake. With binoculars it looked like no one was at the other cabin, so we spent eleven of the twelve days nude. We did it in the boat, on the trails, in the lake and on the fifth day we hiked over to the other cabin and did it on their porch. Helen was adventurous and initiated lots of our sexual adventures. Of all the things we did together she loved being eaten the most. That was fine with me as I believed she had the sweetest pussy possible.On our last day at the lake she offered me her ass. I had eaten her to three of four powerful orgasms and after a short rest she spread her legs again and I was deep inside her pussy. We were out on the boat dock and she said, “I’ve never let anyone in my ass, but I want you in me there. I want to give that to you. Only you.”When she said it I was already deep inside her pussy with her legs high in the air. I pulled out, pushed her legs up close to her face and rubbed my wet cock against her butt pucker. She used her hands to help me and with some effort I got in. She told me to go slow, that she felt very full in a strange way, that she wanted me to do her ass again the day I got back, and she told me often she loved me and the way I loved her.When I came inside her she screamed and it echoed across the lake. So did our laughter. I remembered the laughter and the sex as I sat sweating in the back of the Humvee. I remembered about the tears as I packed and the tears as I left with four other men being deployed. She stood on our front porch watching us leave. She was wearing a see-through nightgown. The four of us held the vision of Helen’s visible body and her waving at us as we drove away. I was the one in the car who knew her mouth held a fresh load from sucking me off just before I left.When we were back from patrol I went looking for Bruce. He had driven the car the day we deployed and had been a good friend since college. I found him in line for chow. We got our food and sat off to the side from most of the other men.”Bruce, have you got friends back home that you trust?””That depends. I’ve got friends I’d loan a hundred bucks to, but not my car. I’ve got a friend I let move into my apartment and care for all my stuff. I guess he’s the one at home I trust the most.””If you ask him to snoop around would he do it and keep his mouth shut?”He stopped eating. I had his full attention. His eyes centered on mine and he said, “Yeah, if it was important. Is it important?””I hope not, but I’m concerned.” I told him about the email and where my thinking had gone after I read it.”So, you want Kent to spy on Helen. See if she’s being the good wife?””Think he can do it without tipping his hand that he’s doing it for me?””He doesn’t know you. I’ll email him, let him know how secret this op is and I’m sure he can do the job.”We finished chow and went to my billet. I wrote down all her data and what I could remember about the three men listed in the email. While he was there I checked email again and saw a new one from “COAngler” the same service provider as before.We opened it. No words other than the subject line, “Helen & Manuel”. The body of the email was two pictures of Helen. The first showed her on her hands and knees, nude, with a man kneeling behind her, also nude and his cock in her ass. I didn’t know if it was Manuel, but I did know it was Helen. She has a mole on the underside of her right breast and it showed in the picture. Normally I loved seeing her tits dangling down in that position, but not that time. I’d seen her on her hands and knees before. It was Helen. Bruce noted he was bareback. No condom. I scrolled down and saw the second picture. That one showed her face and Manuel’s face, well part of his face, he was eating her pussy. I noticed the patch of hair just above her slit was gone. In the picture I saw a shadow on the wall of our bedroom… of another man with a hard on.By the time we emailed Bruce’s friend the op had changed. At first I wanted to know if she really was cheating. Now I wanted to know how many men she was doing and who they were. “If” had been answered.From the time we shipped out I got emails from Helen twice a week. Mondays and Thursdays. They were newsy and had one short paragraph telling me she missed me a lot and that she was counting the days until I returned. Those emails had been coming since I deployed. Until I found out she was having such a good time while I was gone I enjoyed getting those newsy emails and the paragraphs alluding to the good times we were going to have when I got home.After four more of those emails I sent her an email with a warning in it and a set up so I didn’t need to respond to her emails for a while. I didn’t want to open them and read them, much less respond.”Helen – One of the guys in a unit stationed near us was blown up today. I was fifty meters from him when he stepped where he shouldn’t. I talked with him just yesterday. He was distracted and seemed to be in a daze. After he was blown up we found out he found out yesterday that his wife had moved a man in their home ten days ago and had filed for divorce! She killed him as sure as if she planted the mine herself! I took today off as if I was sick. I couldn’t focus on the job at hand.My C.O. came by and let me know I’ll be going on a lengthy patrol tomorrow. I’ll be out-of-touch for at least fifteen days. No phone, no email. He said I’d be pretty safe, but he’s not going. Maybe a prayer every day instead of an email would be best. As soon as I get back I’ll email you. Love, Nick”Bruce and I talked and I asked more about his friend at home. He confessed, his friend was his brother, a cop. I asked him to ask him to track Helen for the next few days and let us know what he discovered.Three days later we got an email from Kent saying that cars came to my house and had been parked two and three at a time for three days. I concluded she was really worried about me and was using other men’s cocks to distract her from worrying. Bruce looked at my face and knew I wasn’t that gullible.Kent emailed us every day. By the time the fifteen days were up he had photographic records of almost twenty different cars parked in my driveway at various times. It was easy to establish that she had changed her work schedule so she was home during the day and evening and gone all night. When the fifteen days were over I sent an email to her.”Helen — I’m back. No injuries other than lack of sleep and lack of good food. I’m going to sleep. I’ll write soon. Love Nick”At chow that evening Lt. Franklyn came and sat with us. She’d never done that. Ever. Officers just don’t sit with the troops socially, especially female officers. When we were all finished eating she asked Bruce and three other troops to give us a few minutes. They smiled like they knew what was on her mind and left.”Well Ma’am, you’ve started a rumor. What do you want to talk about?””You. I’ve noticed you are distracted and angry a lot lately. I don’t want you dead. What’s konak escort going on?”I decided to tell her. I did. I started to give her just the bare bones and two hours later she knew everything I knew. As my tale ended she asked if she could see my proof.Her eyes locked on mine and nothing was said for a long time. Her eyes filled with tears and she asked, “You have names and addresses of the men who visit her?”I nodded. She asked, “Can I see the list?”I nodded again. We left the chow hall and walked to my billet. We sat by my laptop and I brought up the list. It was in time of visit order not alphabetical. Still, it took less than thirty seconds for the Lt. to spot the name she looked for, Jackson Franklyn. Days and times were listed beside his name.Tears streamed down her face. She looked at me and asked, “You have video of him?”I punched the keys and brought up a clip, number twenty-eight. It showed him parking in my driveway and being met there by Helen. The clip was only twenty seconds long. The last three seconds showed them turn towards the house with his hand on Helen’s ass.”He’s so lucky I’m seven thousand miles away from him. He’d be so dead!” She said. I knew she meant it and it wasn’t metaphorical.I said, “I’m angry too, but killing them only makes things worse for us. Making them suffer for this without us going to prison is a better idea.””Ok! You’re right. But, how?””I’ve been thinking about it for weeks. Every good idea I get puts me in prison or gets me the lethal injection. Then there are the others. I want to get them, too. It isn’t just Helen and your husband. There are other husbands and other wives, too.””Jesus!” We sat in silence for a while. She got up and headed for the door, saying, “Let me think about this. Let’s meet at chow at 1700 tomorrow. Who else knows?””Sergeant Martin and his brother in Denver.””Have Sgt. Martin meet with us tomorrow too.””Yes Ma’am.” I said. She stopped, turned and said, “I need to learn when not to talk like an officer. I’m sorry.””Maybe I need to learn how to listen like a man, not a sergeant.”She waved and was gone. Last moment of seeing her face showed tears on her cheeks.After chow the next afternoon we talked. She had good ideas. They centered on humiliation of all the wayward spouses. She wanted to convince all the spouses to keep our knowledge a secret until we went home then publicly serve them divorce papers and give the media a few X-rated clips proving their infidelity.Bruce said, “We don’t have proof. We have video of people going into Nick’s house. It won’t work.”I asked, “If I authorize Kent into my house he could video what goes on in there. Then we’d have proof!”Bruce wrote his brother. I sent him an authorization to enter my home and install surveillance. I also got Lt. Franklyn to notarize and mail the same authorization to him through snail mail. I knew we didn’t need Helen’s permission. It was my house, not our house.A week later I was at evening chow when Bruce found me. I had been out on a seek & destroy mission for two days and he plopped down across from me. I looked up and said, “Nine bad guys went to sleep last night. They’re having trouble waking up.”Bruce said, “We have video of sixteen men and twelve women having sex in your house. Audio and video.””Sixteen? All having sex with Helen? How damning is it?””My brother is a pro. It is all recorded in admissible format. Faces and audio of the players as they played hard. The sex was with lots of swapping, not just with Helen, but it looks like she’s turned your house into a swinger’s club.”I was dog-tired and knew once I started watching I would have to see all of it. I asked Bruce if he could set up a meeting with every spouse of someone in the videos. He set it up for the next evening. Our outfit had twenty-four hours off starting at 1800 hours.I went to my billet and slept. Hunger and the need for a latrine got me up at noon. I found Bruce and we started watching. We linked our laptops and made a clip DVD showing just enough of what was on the longer videos to prove each person was involved. We fast-forwarded through over forty hours of porn to produce a fifteen-minute video.At 1820 hours (six-twenty p.m.) all the soon to be angry spouses were gathered in a conference room. As calmly as I could I told them why they were there. Most of them were instantly angry at me. Private Hank Miller shouted, “My Becky wouldn’t ever cheat! You’re full of shit!”I said, “Private, I have video of every one of your spouses having sex in my house. Videos of them parking their cars in my driveway. I have a log of times and dates of when they were there.”Master Sergeant Williams stood up. He stood six foot seven and weighed about three-twenty-five. His shiny black hairless head reflected light. When he stood the room got quiet. He asked, “If you knew this, why wait until now to say anything?”Lt. Franklyn answered, “If we showed you pictures of them arriving at Sergeant Carter’s house, would you have believed us? No! So we waited until we have proof to show you. We’re prepared to show you a short DVD of scenes complied from many hours of video. Just long enough clips to serve as proof. But, our purpose is not to ruin your day. Our purpose is to act as a team. We can divorce them all, as a team. One lawyer for all of us divorcing all of them and publically humiliating them. Property and custody issues will be handled individually but we’re assured that our collective bill for the lawyer will be amazingly low. What we want is your help to humiliate each and every one of them. They betrayed each of us… and the United States Army!”For fifteen minutes everyone talked. Then Master Sergeant Williams said, “Halt!” The room was silent. He said, “Before we go one more minute I want to see the DVD. All of it!”I said, “If everyone will sit down and stay quiet you will see and hear evidence. After today if you want to see a longer video of your spouse, we’ll make it available. Court admissible DVD’s have been prepared for each of you, to be given to you when we go home.”Bruce started the computer and a picture of Helen swallowing a cock filled the 50” screen. The angle changed and a female sergeant said, “That bastard!” The man on the screen said, “My bitch never sucks me! Oh, Helen!” The screen went blank for a second. The next scene showed Helen and a woman side by side on my bed. Each had her legs high and a man sliding into each of them. “Fuck!” A man said in anger and pain. A woman burst into tears. Scenes showed Helen and other women eating pussy, being eaten by men and by women, taking cocks in every opening and even pissing on two men.When it was over I stood up and said, “This operation has a plan. We must beg you to treat this as Top Secret. If word gets back to our spouses our plan to humiliate and ruin them won’t work.”Lt. Franklyn outlined the plan. Bruce and I added details where we could. By midnight we were in agreement. By one in the morning we had emailed the plan to Bruce’s brother. Two days later we got an email letting us know we had a law firm and they were handling everything. All they needed to proceed was the date we would be returning.Less than a week later we were notified we were rotating home on October fifth. Six weeks to go. Forty-two days! We all notified our spouses and jobs back home that we were headed home. My job let me know I wasn’t expected to come back to work until the first of November. That note came from Tom Stanton, one of the men fucking Helen.Kent let us know that the activity level at my house had shifted. There were almost always cars in the driveway, even when Helen’s car wasn’t there. He quit sending videos. He had rented a safe deposit box in Durango and was keeping the DVD’s there.When we were down to five days left Kent wrote Bruce again and said the cars had almost all stopped. Two trucks had been there for two days with crews cleaning my house and had not discovered the cameras. He included a video marked for my eyes.I started it and saw Helen talking with two women and a man. I turned up the sound and heard, “Having the house professionally cleaned was a great idea.” The man said.”Having Nick find a dead condom would not be good for my health.” Helen said.The blond said, “Even if it was one someone used on konak escort bayan someone else!” They laughed.The strawberry blond opened her blouse showing her breasts and three hickies. “I hope these fade in the next few days or I’m dead.”They discussed ways to help them fade faster. Then Helen said, “When this started I did it just to get me enough sex to hold me until Nick got back. Now I wonder if I can ever limit myself to just Nick again. I like being able to be eaten and have orgasms every day!””And different dicks!” The strawberry blond said.”I certainly like being able to come here and find a willing mate any day I have time.” The man said as he reached for the strawberry blond.”No, way!” She said as she recoiled. “We’re all cut off! No sex until their back and happy! You need to save your cum for your wife! She’s gonna want your full attention for at least a month. Call me sometime in late November, we’ll work out a time and place for some fun.”Helen said, “We need to call everyone and make sure they cool it for at least a month. No dates, no emails, no anything after they get home! My clit has been happier in the last six months than ever, but we’ll all cool it for at least a month. The next month is going to be hell in a lot of ways, but if we’re careful we can resume a level of fun after Christmas.”The video ended. I played it again. The result was the same, I was pissed and hurt. I’d been pissed for months so the video simply refreshed the feelings. My C.O. had noticed I had become more violent, sneakier and laughed less than in the past. Since she was pissed at her spouse as well, she understood my upset. We talked every few days and did so with at least four feet between us. I was getting very tempted to find out how friendly one could get with a flak vest on. I sensed she was feeling the temptation too.Bruce met with all of us, the offended spouses, two days before our flight home. He said, “We will be met in Denver by three news crews. ABC Channel 7, Fox channel 31 and CBS channel 4. They were told that three hundred Colorado reservists were returning and had promised to be there to record the event. Our lawyer has arranged to have all those offending spouses served divorce papers in front of the cameras. We will be ready with a press packet for the news crews. We have arranged for shuttle vans to take us home from the airport. I don’t think you want to go home with the spouse you just served divorce papers.”Private Miller said, “You got that right!” It took a couple minutes to calm the group down. Arrangements had been made that all of us would be on the same plane. All of us, except one. That one would fly in the other plane and brief them as to what had happened while we were away as well as letting them know what would happen at the airport. That one person turned out to be me.When we dressed for our flight home I made sure I had three videos in my pocket, one for each TV station. They showed shots of offending spouses in obviously compromising situations but not X-rated. Attached to the cases was a business card from our lawyer.I waited until we were five hours out from Denver to go up front and get the chief flight attendant to let me use the PA system. I explained the situation and the plan to the troops. They were upset and felt for all of us who had been cheated and betrayed. I asked them to ignore all the news media and other families when they got off the plane. It had to be a surprise or some of them would escape before we could serve them. They agreed.For the rest of the flight I answered questions and talked with people up and down the aisle.Both planes emptied at the same time. All of us went to a holding area with the families and press held away from us with the posts and ropes familiar to anyone. To the side of the crowd were news crews and cameras. When the signal was given all the troops who were able left us and went to find family and friends. We hung back.What happened next surprised me. They gathered their families and friends and blocked the exit. No one was leaving until after they had been served.A tall man in a suit stepped forward and got everyone’s attention. He said, “I know you’re anxious to greet these brave troops, but we have something for you, first. Please turn around. A man will hand you an envelope. Take it and hold it up so the cameras can see that you got it.”I was amazed and how smoothly they were all served. The cameras captured their pictures holding the distinctive envelopes. The man got a signal and said, “Thank you. You have been served.”Chaos broke out. I focused on watching Helen. Before the man spoke I saw her standing next to the man who had been in the final video with her. She was in a new red dress. Tight, short and showing plenty of skin. Her legs looked incredible in dark stockings and three inch sandals. When she heard the man say she had been served her smile disappeared. She looked around franticly and when she found me, one look was enough.She knew I knew. She burst into tears and folded, landing in a heap on the floor. I walked to the news crews and gave each a DVD. A reporter stuck a microphone in my face and asked, “Why were all these people served divorce papers?””They cheated on us while we were at war. If you want to know why, ask the bitch sitting on the floor over there. She was my wife! She had sex with over twenty men and women while I was getting shot at in a war!” They got it on tape. I know because I saw it that night on TV.The cameras focused on Helen. When the bright lights hit her she looked up with make-up smeared and a look of shock on her face. I knew that picture would make the national news.An hour later the shuttle dropped me at home. Ten minutes after I arrived I checked my 1967 Mustang fastback. It appeared to be fine. The odometer still read 67, 282 miles. I closed the garage after reprogramming the opener code and went back inside the house. It was very clean and smelled clean. I stayed in uniform, figuring my confronting Helen was stronger if I was still in uniform. I opened the fridge and found it stocked with all my favorites. It disgusted me. I opened a beer telling myself this was not the time to get wasted. One beer and one beer only.I called a friend. He told me I made the national news. I asked him what kind of a deal I could get on a new bed. “The one I have now is worn out.” I said.He said he’d send two guys from his store to bring me a new bed and haul away the old one first thing in the morning. He was also sending three sets of bed linens. Just after we hung up Helen’s car pulled into the driveway followed by a silver SUV. She looked comical getting out of her car with her smeared make up. The man in the SUV was Jerry Plunt, her boss. I locked the doors and waited.They came in. They found me in the bedroom sitting on the bed. Jerry rushed me ready to hit me with his fists. I had retrieved my aluminum baseball bat from the closet and as he got close enough I grabbed it and took out his knee. For the second time since I got back Helen folded up onto the floor.Jerry was on the floor crying and holding his knee. I put the end of the bat on his knee and he looked up at me.”Have you been fucking Helen?” I asked. I watched his eyes. He started to lie. I pressed, just a little. He nodded. I lifted the bat. I said, “Helen get undressed.”She hesitated. I said, “I could do to your knees what I did to his.” She quickly got out of her dress. She didn’t have a bra on or panties, just a garter belt and stockings. “That’s enough. Now get on the bed.” She did. She spread her legs, seemingly expecting me to fuck her in front of her boss. I grabbed a pillowcase off the bed and used it to help hang up her dress without touching it.I turned to Jerry and said, “Get over to the bed.” He struggled but made it. All he had to do was turn and face Helen. I knelt next to him and whispered in his ear. He recoiled and said “No!”I stood up and took aim at his elbow. He looked terrified, turned and went face first into her pussy. Helen tried to close her legs and I said, “Open wide Sweetheart. This will be the best sex of the rest of your life. Enjoy it.”Jerry ate her to an incredible orgasm. It took her a long time to get into being eaten in front of me. Finally, she closed her escort konak eyes and surrendered. She trembled. Her back arched and she screamed, holding Jerry’s head against her open cunt. Suddenly her orgasmic bliss turned to pain. She screamed and passed out.Jerry backed away from her with blood all over his face. He looked up at me and I said, “Show it to me.” He stuck out his tongue and I saw Helen’s clit. I smiled and said, “Swallow it.” He did.I called 9-1-1. I said, “This is Sergeant Nick Carter at 9632 Watkins Lane. I came home to find my wife in bed with her boss. I hit him with a bat. He bit my wife. We need an ambulance.”I handed Jerry a hand towel and had him hold it against her cunt to help stop the bleeding. I took pictures of him and Helen. She stayed out for almost ten minutes. As the EMT van arrived she woke up. She screamed and started to move, attempting to get up. The pain got to her again and she passed out.The EMT’s checked both of them, left him and attended to Helen’s bleeding. One of them looked at me and asked, “What happened?”I said, “That’s my wife. I came home from Afghanistan today and when I got home I found them on my bed. I grabbed my bat and hit him! He was eating her out and he bit off her clit!”He lifted the towel and looked. He turned to Jerry and said, “Where is her clitoris?””He made me swallow it!” Jerry said.The other EMT gave Helen a shot on either side of her vulva and bandaged her up for the trip to the hospital. Two uniformed officers walked into the bedroom and spoke to the EMT’s. They ask Jerry two questions, looked at his identification and turned their focus to me.They asked for my story. Two sentences later one said, “Wait! You were on TV! So was she!” I nodded. I finished the story. They shook my hand and left saying the D.A. would probably want a statement from me later.Life as I remembered it was over. I finished my beer sitting in our living room, thinking. I knew that Tom Stanton got off work at five. It was four-fifteen. I called his house. His wife Kathleen answered. I said, “Kathleen, this is Nick Carter.”She said, “I saw it on TV. I’m so sorry.””Kathleen, Tom was involved. He’s been doing Helen and others for months.”I heard her sob. I waited. A minute later she said, “You have proof?””Video and audio, admissible in court.”She sobbed again. I said, “Do you have somewhere you can go?””A motel, I guess.””Don’t. Come here. It’s the scene of the crime but safer than a motel. Stop by the bank and get money. Cancel his credit cards. Order new ones and have them sent to my house.””Good thinking. I’ll be there before five.” She hung up. I called Abbi Mays and the call went almost the same except there was more cussing. The call to Erica Garcia took longer. Her English wasn’t very good and her swearing lasted longer.At ten before five Kathleen’s car stopped in the driveway. I went out, opened the garage and she parked inside. I carried her suitcase inside. She left two others in her car. Two minutes later Abbi arrived with Erica Garcia. Abbi spoke Spanish well and they were friends.For an hour they got the story and comforted each other. Suddenly Kathleen’s purse buzzed.”My cell phone!” She said. “Should I answer?””It depends.” I said. “If you want to forgive him, live with him for the rest of your life knowing he fucked around on you, answer.”She opened her purse and removed the battery from her phone. Abbi opened her purse and shut off her phone. I pointed at my phone and said, “You can use my phone. Helen is in the hospital and I don’t think she wants to call me.” I gave them cards from our lawyer and they called. He had already been preparing their cases. They called and he went into action. All bank accounts were frozen, credit cards cancelled and restraining orders put into effect.Tom was served when he got home as were Josh and Manuel. When I saw Josh’s car turn the corner onto my street I called the police. I told them Josh had been served a restraining order and he was at my home. His wife was inside and her car was parked in my driveway.He was standing on the porch talking to Abbi and me when the police arrived. The two officers asked him to step back off the porch and he yelled that Abbi was his wife and he had the right to talk to her.They asked him again and he refused. They cuffed him and took him away. I went out and shut off the engine of his car and locked it up. When I was back inside Manuel’s Toyota parked behind Josh’s car. He came to the door and knocked. I opened the door and said, “Helen’s not here, Manuel.””I want my wife! The neighbors saw her leave with Abbi and Abbi’s car is here.””If she wanted to talk to you she would have stayed home, waiting for you. She told me that everything she has to say will be said in court. You can leave now, Josh.””I have a right to talk to her! She’s mine!””Not any more. You are at my house. You are trespassing. I’m asking nicely for you to leave.””And I’m the guy who’s been in your house and in your woman! You should take better care of your property. Leaving a woman with needs home alone for a year is stupid!””You’re right. And right now your wife is in here with me.”He tensed up and charged. He broke the window in the front door and barged into my living room. As he passed me I tripped him. He sprawled on the floor face down. Before he could start to get up I slammed his face down on the hardwood floor and broke his nose and a couple teeth. He howled and bled on my floor. The women came out and Erica began tending to his wounds. Abbi said something in Spanish and Erica backed away from Manuel. Kathleen called 9-1-1. Abbi gave Manuel a towel to hold on his own face.When the police took Manuel away Kathleen said, “I wonder how long til Tom shows up to act stupid?””I don’t know, but all this excitement has me hungry. Know anyplace that delivers?” I asked. Less than an hour later dinner was on the table, the floor had been cleaned up and we were eating good Chinese food.Bruce called at about eight and got caught up. At nine we watched the news on channel seven. By seven-thirty my phone had rung six times. Sean Hannity wanted an interview, preferably on TV. Two TV evangelicals wanted interviews. Three lawyers wanted to talk to me. I said yes to Hannity and to ABC national news.I slept on the couch. I let the ladies have the two bedrooms. I couldn’t have slept in either bed if I’d been alone in the house. I’d seen hours of misbehavior on both beds.The divorces were minutes in court. The judge was given over eighty hours of vivid video before the first case. The first case was Mr. & Mrs. Alexander. He was a Staff Sergeant. Mrs. Alexander’s lawyer presented the case of Mrs. Alexander, asking for an equal division of assets and property. The judge gave her spousal support of one dollar a year for ten years and nothing else. He stipulated that she must remove all her property from his home within ten days.The rest of the cases were in alphabetical order and took just about as long. Wives who cheated lost custody of their c***dren. Men lost visitation rights and their spousal support payment was imposed at the maximum allowable amount. Helen never said a word in court. She looked terrible. Her boss, Jerry, was taken apart when it was his turn. He became an employee of his wife’s company and on her way out of court she looked at Helen and said, “You’re fired.”When the divorces were final Bruce and I were sitting in my living room watching a baseball game on TV. My phone rang. I answered.A feminine voice asked, “Did you ever wonder what it would feel like to kiss a woman who was wearing a flak vest?””Yup. She was sitting on my bunk in the desert the last time I wondered.””I’d like to start something. Something with you. I promise I’ll never cheat.””How do I know that?””Two reasons. Number one, I know how dangerous you really are and number two, I like my clit right where it is!”I laughed. I asked, “I’d like to verify that location, if you don’t mind.””Leave Bruce and the ball game and get over here. I’ll be the one wearing only a flak vest.” She hung up. Before I could even stand up the phone rang again. I picked it up and she said, “My first name is not Lieutenant. It’s Julie.”Bruce looked at me and said, “Going somewhere?””Yes! I’ve been invited to a private party. If you leave… when you leave, lock up. I may not be back for days.””You know she went back to her maiden name, don’t you?” He asked.”I don’t even know what her maiden name was.””Julie Dan. Nick’s gonna screw Lt. Dan!”As I walked out I said, “Life is like a box of chocolates…” And smiled.