Subject: Letting Go Please join me in supporting Nifty. They need your contributions to provide these unique stories. Click here: fty/). Author’s Note: This is a sequel to the previously published stories, “The Lighthouse,” “Spring Break,” and “If It’s Not Ok, It’s Not the End.” Several people have sent me inquiries about the overall context of these short stories. They are part of two larger pieces of work, two novels, that are either being written or edited. The novels cover periods well before and after the events chronicled in these short stories. Stay tuned for more short stories or send me an email, hoo, with your questions or comments. Thanks for reading! The smell of dry leaves. Cool fall air. Dark except for the street lights lining the block. A few cars, their headlights illuminating the roadway, whooshing almost silently by. Standing outside Carey’s apartment building, Dirk sucked his breath in and let it out with a long sigh. This had been a really great day. The game, of course. Sold out, as usual. Two tackles, two sacks. His boys had snuffed out most of State’s offense. And then, the post-game fuck. Dirk stretched as he quickly relived the feeling of stuffing his cock deep into Carey’s cute ass. When he got to Kappa Sig, the jock house on campus, the victory party was in full swing. Sluffing off most of the adulation, Dirk reacted to the back slaps and congratulatory yells with grunts and mumbled thanks. Grabbing an iced cold beer from the horse trough set up in the frat house’s living room, he went directly to his room. Sitting on his bed, his back against the headboard, Dirk took a long draw on the beer, swished it around in his mouth, and let it slide down his throat. The smell of sex wafted up from his crotch. He chuckled a bit. A mild dose of the bitter sweet aroma from Carey’s butt. Dirk gave his right bicep a quick squeeze. It was a lot of work maintaining this physique, but it was worth it. He had muscles for his muscles. 6’2,” 220 pounds, well defined pecs, big pink nipples. He felt under his shirt, scratching the modest patch of blond curly chest hair. Matching wavy hair on his head, a cheap cut, and usually untended. Big square face, narrow blue eyes. Wide mouth, square dimpled chin. Fully developed six pack. Oak tree sized legs and thighs, pure muscle, covered in curly hair. Kind of a hairy butt. He was never going to shave it, though. He thought that maybe a lot of guys might like that. His dick, fat and sort of short when it was limp, scary big at over 7 inches when his mind was on the important stuff in life. A grower, not a show-er. Dirk Gerszewski. That name would haunt him for his entire life. It sounded like a sneeze. Somebody figured it out in high school. Starting first at pep rallies, then later at games, whenever his name was announced, it was followed by everyone yelling in unison, “God Bless You!” His college teammates made fun of him behind his back, whispering their own nickname for him: Snot. He knew it before he even knew it. Gay. In his mind, it was always boys, boys, boys. He worshipped boys. Certain boys were sublimely cool. He admired their hair, the way they laughed, even their boy smells. He fell constantly in and out of love with various boys throughout his elementary and middle school years. From a distance, of course. Dirk grew up in an angry house. His parents always talked to their kids and to each other in a sharp tone. There was plenty of yelling. Konrad, his dad, was a scary dude. Wide as he was tall, muscular, large face, crew cut, massive hands. A big believer in corporal punishment. When he was 12, Dirk’s dad caught him looking at gay porn on his computer. He practically beat the shit out of him. The look in his eyes was enough. After it was over and the ringing in his ears subsided, Dirk was convinced his dad was a totally in the closet fag too. But, he was going to have to stay in the closet himself. Or, his father would eventually kill him. Dirk yawned, his eyes drooping. Picking up his phone, he sent a text to the rush chairman. “Send Blackie up to my room.” Moments later. “K.” Blackie was one of this year’s pledges. Daunte Forman, 18 years old, filled a couple of boxes for Kappa Sig. First, he was Black. Sure, there was Alpha Phi, the Black fraternity on campus. But, the IFC was making a push for diversity and inclusion. As a result, the Kappa Sig’s tried to include a couple of Black guys in each pledge class. They’d given Daunte the nickname Blackie for obvious reasons. Ok, it wasn’t PC but frat life was often cruel and tone deaf. Second, they wanted to have a few guys who weren’t out for a sport. A rather weak attempt to dispel the frat’s jock reputation. They were never going to shake it off. Blackie checked that box, too. Math major, pretty smart, a skinny kid, definitely not an athlete. The third box was Dirk’s personal one. He was willing. From their first meeting at a rush mixer, Dirk pretty much had Daunte pegged. A little flirting and cajoling, and Blackie was his. Pretty much at his disposal, Blackie’s charge was to take care of Dirk in exchange for membership in the frat. As a result, he submitted to every kind of twisted sex Dirk’s vivid imagination could conjure up. After a soft knock at the door, Blackie entered. Only about 5’7,” hardly more than 120 pounds, thin, close cut hair. Cute bubble butt. Deep ebony skin. He wore a nice button up shirt, shorts, long white socks, and athletic shoes. His pledge pin proudly displayed on the collar of his shirt. “Get undressed for me, will ya?” Dirk asked. It wasn’t really a question. Another swig of beer. Without a word, Blackie kicked his shoes off and unbuttoned his shirt. After removing it, he bent down to take his socks off. “Leave those on.” Blackie just shrugged. He removed the rest of his clothes. Standing there, Dirk watched as his impressive 8 inches bounced lightly on top of his balls. That long thick shaft, big head, deep brown color, crowned by a neat patch of black curly pubic hair. Boy tummy, over-sized belly button. Smooth chest, oval nipples the same shade as his cock. He looked freaking sexy wearing only socks. Pulling his t-shirt off, Dirk gave each one of his own nipples a squeeze with one hand. “Suck on these.” Obligingly, Blackie walked over and sat down on his bed. Leaning over Dirk, one hand supporting his body, he bent over and brought his lips to one nipple. After giving it some attention, he switched to the other. As he sucked and licked his nipples, Dirk brought his hand up and lightly brushed it across Blackie’s back and butt. Dirk didn’t really get hard at all. He was too bushed. In the end, he made Blackie jerk off all over his chest. Dirk took a swab of cum with his finger and forced Blackie to lick it off. Yawning, he turned the light off next to his bed and flipped on his side. “You’re excused, bud.” *** As a boy, football became the perfect outlet for Dirk to release his frustrations. Gay and terrified of his father ever finding out, he looked for any release from his gaziantep escort fears. He had no idea how great it felt to hit someone until he first wiped out another kid while he was playing football. And, he was good at it. Early on, due to his size and agility, Dirk was pegged as a kid with lots of potential. First team, starter, whatever the designation. Coaches smiled and just shook their heads in amazement. Once the kids his age were old enough to take showers after practice or games, the locker room became one of his favorite places to hang out. The number of naked cute boys was so plentiful it made his eyeballs hurt. He especially was taken with the boys who were shyer. They would hold their towels in front of them on the way to the shower or turn their backs to everyone when they took their underwear off. They weren’t necessarily the best looking boys. But, the way they acted, so cute and shy, was positively alluring. Junior year. Over six feet and approaching 190, Dirk was a force. Even before football camp started, he knew he’d be playing both sides of the ball. Right tackle on offense and middle linebacker on defense. He had his full swagger on when he ambled into the team meeting room for orientation before practices began in earnest. Taking his seat in the second row, reserved for upper class men, he turned around to greet BJ, one of his defensive linemen. Seated in the back row, visible just to the right of BJ, was one of the cutest kids he’d ever seen. Moderately short wavy blond hair, braces, a small crop of zits across each cheek. Blue eyes, fine features. Looking a bit like a scared rabbit. Just the way Dirk liked them. He involuntarily licked his lips. Either a new kid to town or, more probably, a 9th grader hoping to make the team. It wasn’t cool to mingle with the rookies so Dirk didn’t try to approach him right away. He didn’t even see him until days later. The veterans like Dirk had a different practice and conditioning schedule for the first part of football camp. Dirk saw him standing on the sidelines during the first contact scrimmage. The football helmet, looking enormous on his head, along with his slight build, made him look extra cute. Playing defense on the other team, Dirk made it a point to zero in on him in the middle of one play. Elbows up, running full tilt, Dirk thoroughly cleaned the kid’s clock. “Are ya ok?” Dirk chuckled as he held his hand out to the groaning boy. Pulling him to his feet, he made sure the boy could focus his eyes before he gave him a quick slap on the butt. Out of the corner of his eye, Dirk noticed him standing on the sidelines for the rest of practice. Juniors and seniors had their lockers in the same rows so Dirk didn’t see him until he was already in the shower. He stood in the corner, keeping to himself, head down, the water flowing over his body. Slender, smooth chest, cute dick. There were too many guys sharing the showers so Dirk didn’t do much about the situation until a few minutes later. Towel wrapped around his waist, he wandered down the rows of lockers. He was in the last row, just standing there by his open locker. By himself. Still naked, the end of the towel against his face, the rest of it hanging down to his mid thigh. Looking to the left and right and not seeing anyone, Dirk ambled over. “Sorry about the hit.” “That’s ok.” “I’m Dirk.” “Ya, I know.” “And you are…?” “Cade.” He looked down. Dirk just stared at him. After a moment, Cade looked back up at him, a hurt somewhat scared expression on his face. Dirk could have melted right there. “How old are you, Cade?” “14. Almost 15.” After a brief hesitation, “9th Grade.” “Uh-huh.” Dirk just looked at him. Silently, he reached up, grabbed the upper end of the towel, and pulled it away from Cade. It fell to the floor. A small gasp of embarrassment, Cade blushed to his toes. Dirk looked him over. He was perfect. “Meet me by the clubhouse in the park and I’ll clue you in how things work around here.” “Ok,” Cade said meekly. “9:00 tonight.” “Ok.” *** Before leaving the house that night, Dirk tried to get a grip on his own feelings. He was amazed at how brazen he’d been. It gave him a warm feeling. He’d wanted to do something like that for a long time. There had been no plan when he approached Cade. He’d never even thought of that spot in the park. It just came to him in a flash. A loosely framed fantasy. The two of them were cuddled together in bed. Dirk softly stroked Cade’s hair as he spread soft kisses on his shoulder and arm. “There, there,” Dirk whispered. “I’m gonna protect you.” He turned Cade’s face to his. They kissed each other deeply. A roar from the TV. His dad had the WWE network on, a beer nestled into the cup holder of the barca lounger. Just like that, the fantasy melted away. Grim reality returned. “I’m going out.” His dad just glared at him and grunted. It was a warm late summer night. Sleeveless shirt, loose fitting basketball shorts, sandals. He went commando, his balls and dick bouncing comfortably as he walked. The area around the clubhouse was dimly lit by a couple of security lights. Other than that, it was completely dark. Dirk found Cade sitting on a park bench along the walkway leading to the building. He wore a t-shirt, jeans, and, inexplicably, a light jacket even though it was quite warm. “Follow me.” Cade followed Dirk around the back of the building where there were no lights at all. The only illumination came from distant street lights. He didn’t really have a plan. But, he knew what he wanted. Stopping next to a large air conditioning unit, he turned to Cade. “Do you know why you’re here?” “I dunno. Maybe. Sorta. I mean.” Cade stumbled through several optional responses. Dirk’s arm shot up. He grabbed Cade by the throat, pushing him against the building. It felt so good to do that. Cade’s breathing came quickly as he started to panic. Just like that, Dirk relaxed his grip on Cade. “I ain’t gonna hurt ya,” he said softly. “Ok.” Tears appeared in Cade’s eyes. “Do you want it?” More sharply now. “Ya.” Dirk stepped back and let go of Cade’s neck. “Then give it to me!” Cade froze. “Strip!” Cade had a stunned look on his face. But, he didn’t say anything. After a beat, he shrugged his jacket off and pulled his shirt off. His smooth chest glistened even in the dark, small pink nipples standing out now that they were exposed to the air. Jeans tugged down followed by boxers, shoes kicked off. He stood naked, his six plus inches of hard cock curving up to his belly. “C’mere,” Dirk said hoarsely. As Cade stepped forward, Dirk let his shorts fall to the ground. His hard 7 inches bounced out. All he had to do was point. Getting on his knees, in one gulp, Cade took him in. This was the highlight of his life. When he came, he felt he was ready to meet his God. “Thank you Jesus!” He gasped. Half laughing, half crying, he pulled Cade to his feet and gave him a bear hug. Cade let himself be hugged for a minute. Feeling he was going to be strangled, he suriyeli escort steadily pressed his hands against Dirk’s chest until he was slowly released. “I’m gonna take care of you. I promise.” “Ok.” Cade said quietly. Over the next week, they met almost nightly at the park’s clubhouse. The scene replayed itself over and over. Dirk thought about giving the kid a blow job. Truthfully, after pouring his cum into Cade’s mouth, he didn’t feel much like doing anything else. What got him going was Cade’s cute naked body and his increasingly talented mouth and lips. Even more, exercising the power he had over him. In return, Dirk saw to it that Cade’s standing on the team improved. He’d never be a starter. But, with some finagling he got the coaches to start using him as a second string cornerback. That would insure he would at least play in a few games. *** Hands on his knees, Dirk slumped over as he sat on the bench in the locker room. Tough practice, today. Every muscle and bone ached. “Hey, BJ! How’s that groin?” Coltan asked with a chuckle. “Ah…sore!” BJ replied as he laughed lustily. Squinting through one eye, Dirk asked, “What’s with you guys?” “Our student manager has a unique way of wrapping a groin,” Coltan replied. Dirk just stared at him, expressionless. “Which student manager?” “Sterling.” Oh, ya. Carey Sterling. Dirk hadn’t paid much attention to him other than making a mental note about how cute his butt was. He’d noticed it a few times when he passed by, usually carrying a load of towels. Other than that, pretty good looking. Fine features, slender. Sandy brown hair, brown eyes. Dirk smirked to himself. Ya. I’d do him. Ripping some tape off of his elbow Coltan continued, “If ya ever want to get your junk in someone’s face, here’s your chance.” BJ smirked, “He made me get naked when he wrapped my groin yesterday. Said my shirt got in the way otherwise.” Dirk stared into his locker, thinking. “Huh.” After he showered, wearing just his boxers, Dirk went to the training room. Carey and one of the other student managers were throwing practice jerseys into one of the industrial washing machines. “Hey Sterling. I think I gotta groin.” Carey looked at him. “How so?” “Dunno. It’s just tight and kinda sore.” “Take some Tylenol.” “I did.” A lie. “Still hurts.” Carey breathed a sigh. “Ok. Head over to the training table. Be right there.” After starting the washing machine, the other student manager left. Carey walked over to the training table, grabbed some warming gel, cotton gauze, and tape. “Drop your shorts,” Carey said in a business-like manner. The second his boxers hit his ankles, Dirk could feel himself start to stiffen. Spreading some of the gel on a tongue depressor, Carey got on his knees in front of Dirk, facing his crotch. “What side hurts?” “Umm…the right side.” “Wanna open your legs a bit?” Dirk spread his feet apart. Using the tongue depressor, Carey began swabbing the gel on Dirk’s right upper thigh, close to his crotch. Looking down at him, Dirk could see his cock slowly thickening and rising. Ignoring what was going on or, rather, pretending to ignore what was going on, Carey said, “Wanna grab onto it and pull your nuts a bit to one side?” Grabbing his hardening dick and balls, Dirk held them away from his thigh. Because his hand was cupped around his package, he realized Carey couldn’t actually see his boner. Quickly and efficiently, Carey applied the gel to the tongue depressor and swabbed the inside of Dirk’s crotch. Grabbing a large chunk of cotton gauze, he pressed it up against Dirk’s upper thigh. Holding it in place with one hand, he grabbed a roll of tape. In short order, he wrapped it around Dirk’s upper thigh several times, finishing the task up by running one strip around Dirk’s waist to secure the whole bandage. “Ok…there ya go,” Carey said as he sat back on his feet. Dirk let go, his full erection bouncing out of his hand. How could he have missed it? Just as Dirk’s proud 7 inches came into view, Carey got up and turned his attention to the training supplies he had just used. Avoiding Dirk’s stare altogether, Carey went about his business. As he shoved the tape and gel into one of the drawers under the training table, he said, “Let me know how that works.” Dirk shrugged, pulled his now shrinking asset into his boxers and mumbled, “Thanks.” *** “Do something for me.” After a particularly amazing blow job accompanied by another gusher of cum, Dirk tried to catch his breath. Cade wanted nothing more than to get out of there. This whole thing with Dirk was so tawdry. Was it ever going to end? Besides, he wanted to get home. This was the first night of Monday Night Football. Two of his favorite teams were squaring off. “What?” He mumbled, just above a whisper. “You know Carey, that student manager?” “Ya.” “Do you think he’s good looking?” Cade shrugged, “I guess so.” “I want to watch him give you a blow job.” “What? Are you fucking kidding me?” Dirk chuckled. “No, I’m not.” Pause, then seriously, “I mean it.” “How am I ever going to get him to do that?” Dirk took him through the whole sore groin scenario. “And, I’ll be watching from the door. He’ll never see me.” Dirk finished explaining. “You are just twisted, man.” Dirk stepped over to Cade, grabbed him by the shirt collar, and faced him square on. “Do it!” He said through clenched teeth. “Do it and I’ll leave ya alone. If ya won’t do it, you’ll be sorry.” He let Cade’s shirt go as he pushed him back. *** After practice the next day, Dirk procrastinated showering and getting dressed. One by one, his teammates peeled away and left. As it got quieter, he almost freaked out when Carey came walking by. He stooped down to pick up some errant tape left on the floor and threw it in a nearby garbage can. Then, he left. It got quieter as the outer doors banged open and shut. Wearing a t-shirt and his boxers, Dirk padded over to Cade’s locker. “You ready?” “Ya. I guess so.” Cade’s cheeks were burning. Carrying his duffel filled with sweaty clothes, Cade walked across the locker room, down the hall, and entered the training room. Dirk followed, hanging back, and taking a place just outside the door. Carey was just finishing up as he threw some tape into a drawer. Hearing a noise behind him, he turned to see Cade standing in the doorway. “Um. I think I have a problem.” “What’s that?” “I might have pulled my groin during practice,” Cade said rather sheepishly. “How do you know?” “It sort of aches.” With a sigh, Carey said, “Ok. Let’s take care of it.” Sensing Carey’s hesitation, he quietly said, “If you don’t want to now, I can come see you before next practice.” “No, that’s ok. Let’s treat it now so it doesn’t get worse.” Carey turned his back and flipped his training kit open. “Ok,” Cade said in a small voice. Carey was about to give Cade instructions to pull his pants down. As he pulled the tape, gauze, and ointment out of the case, he heard a rustle of clothing being rus escort removed. When he turned around, he was surprised to see that Cade had not just pulled his pants down. He was completely naked. God! He looked cute! Square shoulders, shallow indentation between his pecs, firm tummy, narrow waist, and a cute dick and set of balls. Cade’s face started to flush. Carey’s stare must have been obvious. Feeling self conscious, Cade used one hand to partially cover himself. He knew Dirk was standing just outside the door watching, his bare ass in full view. “C’mere,” Carey said hoarsely. Cade padded over to him as Carey watched his cock and balls lightly bounce. Grabbing the ointment and a tongue depressor, he got down on his knees. Cade stood naked right in front of him. “Can you spread your legs a little?” Carey was having trouble choking the words out. As he was about to dig the tongue depressor into the ointment, he saw Cade’s cock quickly thicken and rise. Carey slowly brought his gaze up to look at Cade. He had a kind of hurt puppy look on his face. In the background, leaning in the doorway, Dirk’s hand was already around his throbbing cock. Almost in a trance, Carey put the ointment and tongue depressor on the floor and wound the fingers of his left hand around Cade’s cock. Cade let out a long soft sigh, closed his eyes, and tipped his head back. Trying not to grip too tightly, Carey’s hand began a slow movement back and forth. Cade thrust his hips forward and back. With his other hand, Carey gripped the side of Cade’s hip for a moment. Sliding it around, he then cupped Cade’s right butt cheek. Do it! Do it! Dirk was saying to himself. Put it in your mouth! Just like that, he felt himself getting ready to cum. He wouldn’t do it though. He wouldn’t suck on it! As his pace quickened, Cade grunted several times, gasped, and emitted several long, thick streams of cum directly onto Carey’s face. Carey’s first instinct was to pull his head back. Nevertheless, he took most of Cade’s spunk on his cheeks, between his nose and mouth, on his forehead, and even in his hair. Cade stumbled back and started to giggle. Realizing he probably looked ridiculous, Carey sat back and also laughed. Dirk had cum, too. All over his shorts. Carey couldn’t think of anything to say other than, “Does your groin still hurt?” They both chuckled. “Not any more.” Carey reached over to the training table and pulled a couple of clean towels off of it. He threw one to Cade and used the other to wipe the cum off himself. In the hallway, Dirk stumbled back. He ignored some thick globs of spunk on the floor as he turned and retreated back to his locker. After Cade got dressed, he quietly picked up his bag, said, “See ya,” and was gone just like that. In the meantime, Dirk stripped off the soiled boxers, used them to wipe himself off, and got dressed. On his way out, he went by the training room. The door was shut. *** Unfortunate. But, what are ya gonna do? At the next game, the opposing team’s running back slipped by a tackle and tried an end around. Running at full tilt, Dirk pursued him. Even though the job of tackling him on this play fell to the corner back, Dirk knew an inexperienced Cade was unlikely to take him out. It was up to Dirk. The three of them, the running back, Dirk, and Cade all intersected in a violent collision. Rolling to the side once he was down, Dirk quickly bounced up. When he turned to look, Cade was on his side, writhing in pain. His leg was bent in an awkward and unnatural manner. Time was called. Carey was there in an instant to see if he could help. But, they ended up having to cart Cade off the field. His leg was broken. In school, Cade became an instant celebrity. Everyone wanted to sign the cast on his leg. He attended the rest of the games, standing on the sidelines with the team. Carey picked up a crutch for him once that had fallen out of his arm. Their eyes met but nothing more was said. Likewise, Cade and Dirk were past history. Dirk tried to put his arm around him once when he saw him in the hallway at school but Cade just ducked around him. *** They ran into each other at the beginning of their Junior year. Literally. Carey, head down as he reviewed notes for a class, walked along the hallway in the student union, and turned right toward the exit. Dirk, head turned to watch a cute boy’s ass going in the other direction, turned left as he entered the building. Carey went flying. Books and papers everywhere. He just bounced off of Dirk’s solid mass. “Christ! You ok?” Dirk exclaimed. Stunned for a second, then laughing, Carey replied, “Ya. It’s all right.” Still laid out on the floor. People just kept going, side-stepping him. Squinting, “Sterling?” “Hey, Dirk.’ They were both kind of laughing now. Dirk helped Carey up. Together, they reassembled Carey’s papers and books. “I didn’t know you were at school here.” Chuckling Carey said, “Well, I knew you were here.” Dirk’s name earned at least a mention in the school newspaper’s sports section every week. “Let me buy ya a drink or something,” Dirk said. “Ya, ok.” Carey thought. Why not? They caught up. Dirk with a Gator Aid, Carey getting a coffee, they sat at a table in the union’s canteen. Both were Juniors, Dirk because he had been a red shirt Freshman, Carey because he’d lost a year. “That must have been tough,” Dirk said. “I was here for football camp but my mom told me what happened.” Carey just looked at Dirk. “Ya. What can I say?” Dirk looked at Carey more closely. Shit! He really was cute. Those fine features, a bit of silky pale skin peeking out at the open top of his shirt. The hair, neatly combed, perfectly cut just over his ears and on his neck. Brown eyes, pain showing behind them, but drinking you in, nevertheless. A little skinny, almost frail. When he looked down at Carey’s hands, he thought they were the kinds of hands he’d like to hold. Carey looked at Dirk. What a lug! That big head. His eyes looked little and squinty, flat nose, mouth so big it could swallow an ocean. Ridiculously bad haircut. Neck as wide as a tree trunk. Shoulders twice as wide as Carey’s. They reminisced about home. Eventually, the subject came around to the football team. It was silent for a minute. Carey looked at Dirk, wondering what he was thinking. “I know about you.” Carey’s breath caught in his throat. “What do you know about me?” “I know about you and Cade.” Carey cleared his throat. That was water long over the dam. “So what?” Dirk looked off in the distance. Then, eyes back to Carey. “I made him do it.” Carey stared at him, not knowing what to say. Dirk went on to tell him everything. He ended it by saying, “I know the pain you have. I’m gay, too.” “So?” “I hate myself for it.” It was Carey’s turn to look in the distance. “Ya know, if that’s the only thing you have to hate yourself for, you haven’t even scratched the surface compared to me.” Dirk looked at Carey and smirked. “Maybe I can help you with that.” Carey slumped in his chair, looked at Dirk and frowned. Thinking. Dirk fucked him for the first time that night. It hurt bad. Really bad. But, through the stinging and burning, Carey somehow knew he needed this. Can I just allow myself to feel the way I feel, he thought to himself? Maybe then, I can let it go.