My Un-Fairy Tale II

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My Un-Fairy Tale IIby Michael Richard on Friday, November 21, 2008.Once upon a time, (it might have been just last Sunday), on a street far away, (it might have been just past that old house that everyone thinks is haunted, and around the corner), there lived a grumpy old man. However this story doesn’t have anything to do with him, we’re just here to say hello because being so grumpy, his c***dren no longer come around to say hi anymore. So after a quick cup of tea, and some biscuits we’ll be on our way to the real story shortly.OK, let’s start again… Once upon a time, (it might have been two weeks ago Friday), in a kingdom far, far away, (it might have been just down the river, across the bay, over the ocean, across the beach, through the jungle, around the mountain, and then follow the river up the valley to a tall waterfall… Sorry I think I did it again, this is just a very pretty place isn’t it. Well, as soon as we’re done looking at the scenery, we got to go back to the mountain and head north to a deep, clear, blue lake), there lived a wise, old wizard. Now this old wizard, has a young, and brave apprentice, who has learned much from the wizard during his 8 year apprenticeship, and is just about to graduate to the level of high-level wizard. All he needs to do is to complete a quest, and once it is successfully completed he will be recognised every where as a high-level wizard.Now, this final test of a young wizard, is a difficult one. The first part of the challenge is to find a quest worthy of his efforts, and with there being so many apprentice wizards in training today the quests are getting fewer, and much harder to find. This young ordu escort wizard has a slight advantage then some other apprentices, you see his master-wizard was once a very active hero, and still receives messagers from villages that are being raided by tribes of blood thirsty orcs, and from king’s whose daughters have just been taken from their father’s palace and locked into difficult to reach towers. (You all know how it is with most stories about quests. They sometimes take up to 50 years to reach the ears of a brave hero who is willing to brave the dangers and rescue the, by then rather old, and cranky, princess.) So he feels that just by listening outside the old codger’s window when a messager come running in, he’ll have a fresh quest that should be worthy of his efforts. So with that in mind he says farewell to the old goat, and says that he is setting off to find his quest. He then sneaks around beside the house, and throws up a quick concealment spell hiding himself from the view of anyone who would happen to look below the old wizard’s study window.He didn’t have to wait long before a messeger staggers up to the door, and after throwing up into the rose bush growing beside the door, he straightens up and knocks on the door. The old wizard opens the door, and with a sly grin he welcomes the messager inside. Listening quietly from outside the study window, the young wizard hears the tale of how a beautiful princess has been a*****ed by a wicked witch, and has been locked in a tower built high on a mountaintop. The messager then continues to say that the witch has also enchanted a huge dragon to guard the mountaintop, osmaniye escort and to attack anybody who is foolish enough to try to climb the mountain. With that the young wizard quietly runs off toward what he feels is a worthy quest. He doesn’t get too far into the woods before he realises that he forgot to find out where the messager came from, but he figured he’d be able to ask around and by using simple mind reading spells be able to trace the messager back to where ever he had come from. His first stop is the local tavern, where he learns, with the help of a simple spell, from the silent bartender that the messager was here just this morning, and was drunkenly telling everyone his message. The young wizard also learns the the village isn’t really to far away, but is on the other side of the burning desert. The young wizard thinking that if he is to get all the way around the desert he’ll need to set off right away.So 3 weeks later, the young wizard finally arrives at the small village, where he learns from a very jolly bartender, (again with a simple mind reading spell), that the mountaintop tower is located on top of a mountain just a half days travel from the village. He spends a very restless night at the local inn, and sets off in the morning.After a rather uneventful journey to the mountain, the young wizard stopped thinking how is he going to get by the huge dragon. He decided to try an invisibility spell, and see if he can sneak past the dragon with out it hearing him. He slowly and quietly makes his way up the mountain without even once seeing the dragon. As he nears the mountaintop tower, he finally escort bayan sees the dragon. It appears to be sleeping behind a huge pile of rocks. Unfortunately it is snoozing between him and the doorway to the tower. He pauses to see if his invisibility spell is still in effect, and is pleased to find it going as strong as when he first cast it at the bottom of the mountain. He carefully crept towards the pile of rocks, and very nervously made his way around the rock pile. When get gets around the pile of rocks, he is shocked to discover that the dragon, is not sleeping, but is dead. In his shock his invisibility spell flickers and fails. Stunned he wanders over to the tower, and opens the door. Or rather tries to open the door, the door appears to be locked. The young wizard still as confused as ever about the dead dragon, knocks on the door of the tower. He is temporary stuck speechless when a beautiful young princess opens the door with a smile. She sees him and her smile turns into laughter. Turning away from the now embarrassed young wizard, she yells, “Hey, I’m going to be rescued.”The young wizard is shocked to hear an answer in a deep baritone, “Well, don’t stay out too late, it’s our honeymoon night remember.” The princess opens the door a bit wider, and the stunned young wizard can see a huge heavily muscled barbarian warrior standing behind the princess. The warrior steps forward, puts his arm around the princess and says to the young wizard, “Sorry, Budd, but you’re about 2 weeks too late, and I could have really used your help with that nasty dragon, too.”The door closes to the sound of the princess, and the barbarian warrior laughing, and giggling. The young wizard turns and starts to slowly walk away, and is then shocked to hear sounds that he has only heard before coming from the privacy of the 2nd floor rooms of the seedier taverns in the larger cities coming from behind the now closed door.The end?

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