Of Loneliness and Freedom


I know I am moping and I don’t care. Everyone I love seems to have left me. I am not just alone now. I am also lonely. So lonely. The train is as empty as I am. The same scenery goes by again and again. Two stops and no one gets on. Another dozen stops before I get off.Ha! Get off. Haven’t done that since she left me six months ago. Said I wasn’t enough for her. Said she found someone who makes her bahis şirketleri giggle like a schoolgirl. She is ten years younger than me. The son-of-a-bitch who makes her giggle is ten years younger than her! Cradle robber! What is a 60-year-old man to do? Masturbation and cam girls are not enough. I need human flesh contact. I need a relationship with another human being. Not a computer screen. bahis firmaları I don’t want a professional. I want a girlfriend. The train door opens at Bancroft Station. She enters and the entire mood of the train car suddenly changes. Which is to say, my mood changes. She is my age. I look at her and I can’t look away. I drown in her eyes. They take me in and take me apart. She knows me, she feels kaçak bahis siteleri me. She understands my pain, my anguish. In a train car full of empty seats, she sits next to me and puts her hand on my knee.I’m still drowning in her eyes. She throws me a life preserver with her words.”I am here for you,”Oh, God! A connection! My eyes begin to water and I blink to beat back the tears. I want to cry into her shoulder but I won’t. I can’t do that. I can be vulnerable but I can never be seen as weak. Struggling with my composure, I stare at her through misty eyes knowing she sees the hurt in me. The need in me. The longing in me.

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