Unrequited Ch. 03

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Hardcore

Stand firm…Slow burn

* * * * *

To answer Tyler’s question, “How long are you going to keep doing this to yourself?” It turns out, I have a lot of stamina. Turns out, I keep doing this shit to myself for a very long time. I continue, completely undeterred for the rest of our university days. I continue unabated for those early years of our careers, too. West gets a job in finance, which he is, predictably, amazing at. He’s rapidly promoted, and it isn’t long, before he’s on the path to become the wildly successful man I always knew he would be.

It isn’t easy for me. A career in the arts never is, but I eke out a living. My parents offer to support me, but I refuse. I feel bad enough about being a spoilt trust fund baby. Part of me wants to experience reality, before I turn twenty-five and get access to the money my grandfather left me. I tend bar at night and paint in the day, peddling my wares at every gallery I can think of, until it finally starts paying off. I start being able to depend on the fact that I’ll get commissions and I start being offered my own exhibitions.

I still see West. I probably see him a lot more than I should. He’s just the kind of guy who really likes staying in touch. He’s the glue that keeps friendships together. He’s always on the phone, planning things, organising ways for us to get together. It’s not like it was in the old days, but it’s just enough to stop me from moving on. More than enough, really.

He and Ashleigh live together now. It’s been over a year and a half since the last time they broke up.

Yes, I do still keep track of things like that, and yes, I do know how pathetic that makes me.

Speaking of the devil, my phone buzzes. It’s West.

“Andy! How are you?”

“No complaints, you?”

“Ah, you know me, I’m always well.” That’s true, he’s still the most cheerful person I know.

We chat for a while, just about general shit, when his tone changes suddenly. It’s serious now.

“I’ve got a favour to ask you Andy.”

“Shoot.”

Anything for you.

“What do you know about diamonds?”

Of all the times he’s made my heart drop, and believe me, he’s done it a lot, nothing has ever compared to this. The ground beneath me gives way. It feels as though I’m falling into a sinkhole. All I can think, is how grateful I am that he did this over the phone. There’s no way I could have hidden my pain if he did it in person.

I skip a beat or two, but I recover quickly. “I know they’re bad for the environment, a marketing ploy and a huge waste of money.” I say helpfully.

He laughs uproariously at that. He still thinks I’m hilarious.

I send out the distress call to Tyler and Sarah as soon as I get off the phone with West. They know it’s serious and ask me to come right over. They still live together, a few stops from my place.

“Oh, God.” Says Tyler, as he opens the door, taking me in. “What the hell happened?”

I tell them the whole sad story.

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” Says Sarah, at last. Sarah is doing her PHD in psychology now. She’s a great listener and she hardly ever takes it upon herself to give advice. When she does, people listen. Wise people do, anyway.

“You can say, “No,” to him, Andy. You don’t have to do this to yourself.” She says.

“I know that I could, but I can’t. I’m also his friend.” I say, at last.

“That’s bullshit,” says Tyler, “that’s what you tell yourself. That’s what you’ve always told yourself, but the truth is, you want him. You want him way, way more than you want to be his friend. That’s not really friendship, is it?”

I sigh deeply and mull his words over. He makes a good point, but I already know that there’s no way I’m going to say, “No,” to West.

* * * * *

“Thank you, Andy.” Says Ashleigh, hugging me tight, her eyes are a little misted over. She looks like she’s in heaven as she looks down at her left hand. “I know you helped him choose this. I love it. It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.”

She’s right. I did choose it. West had absolutely no clue what she wanted. It’s a perfect emerald cut diamond in a vintage-style platinum setting. The second I saw it, I knew it was meant for her. A hall of mirrors, hard edges and jagged reflections. I surprised myself. I’d been fully intending to saddle her with a large, poorly cut oval, but I guess, I’m a bigger person than I give myself credit for.

The best part of the rest of that year, is a blur of wedding planning, filled with random, torturous snippets:

Will you be my best man? Does this suit look good on me? Do you think she’d prefer to honeymoon in Florence or Paris?

I can’t tell you how much time I spend lying on my bed, shaking, staring up at the ceiling, thinking, what fresh hell is this?

I must have been a mass-murderer in a previous life, to deserve this type of torment.

I’m in such a state by the time the wedding day finally arrives that Sarah has to write my speech illegal bahis for me, and Tyler agrees to come to the wedding with me, as my plus-one. The day is predictably beautiful. Every star is aligned, even the weather doesn’t flicker. It’s a perfect, blue sky day. Ashleigh looks eye-wateringly beautiful, absolutely radiant and West looks so happy, I have a hard time trying to decide if I want to cry or to vomit.

I guess, I should be grateful. At some point, the shock gives way to something else. I go numb. I move through the day exactly as required. I help West with his tie. My hands shake when I do it, but still, I get through it. Though I can’t feel my legs, I stand up beside him when Ashleigh walks down the aisle. I don’t make a sound when the priest asks if there are any objections. I don’t breathe or move either, though I am intensely aware of the fact that my heartbeat has slowed. It’s slow and so weak, I can hardly feel it at all. I shake hands and greet people politely. Even though I’m completely robotic, it wouldn’t surprise me, if I smile for the photos.

My speech goes off without a hitch, but that’s not saying very much, wedding guests tend to be a very forgiving crowd. I finish with a toast, “To Mr and Mrs Baxter, a long life and a happy marriage.”

I stumble to my seat before the applause has fully died down, grabbing two bottles of champagne off nearby tables, before sitting down heavily and announcing loudly to Tyler, “I am about to get absolutely blasted.”

And that, is the very last thing I remember about Ashleigh and West’s wedding.

* * * * *

I wake up the next day with my head pounding. I try to swallow. It feels as though something very unpleasant has crawled into my mouth and died there. I try to open my eyes, but that makes my head pound more. I turn my body slowly, trying to move my eyes from the light streaming in at the window.

Holy shit!

There’s someone in bed with me. I can make out the shape clearly. It’s someone small. It’s someone with a vivid mop of red hair.

Jesus fucking Christ!

What the fuck have I done?

I’m instantly drenched in a cold sweat. I reach down, running my hands down my body. Please let me have pants on. No luck there. I’m stark naked.

Holy shit!

“I know you’re awake.” Says Tyler, “I heard your breathing change a few minutes ago.”

“D-do you have any clothes on?” I ask, a last-ditch attempt at hope.

“No, asshole, I don’t.”

I sit up quickly, swinging my legs out of the bed and onto the floor. The sudden movement makes the me feel nauseous.

Tyler gets out of bed quickly, finding a robe and putting it on, before sitting down next to me.

“What happened?” I ask.

“You don’t remember anything, huh?”

I think hard, “I remember the speech and I think there might have been some dancing.”

He laughs a little. “There was definitely some dancing. You got a little sloppy, so we came back to your room. We danced some more, and then we got naked. We fucked and then we went to sleep.”

“Holy shit,” I say, genuinely appalled, “are you okay?”

His face looks a little pinched, he doesn’t look like himself.

“Are we going to be okay?” I ask, panic setting in.

He looks a little uncertain, his eyes pooling up slightly. His voice is shaky. “I know I’m not your type, Andy. I know that, okay?”

He looks at me, trying to smile, but failing to get there. “You know how we’re always saying that West is your kryptonite?” I nod, a terrible pit of dread forming in my belly. I don’t like where this is going.

“Well,” says Tyler, shrugging his shoulders helplessly, “I guess you could say, you’re my kryptonite. You’ve always been. I know you don’t feel the same though, okay? I know that.”

God, I feel awful. I had no idea. I’ve spent years banging on and on about my feelings for West with no clue that I must have been hurting Tyler. I must have been hurting him badly.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, “are we going to be okay?” I try to put my arm around his shoulder, but he gets up quickly.

“Sure,” he says brightly, trying again to arrange his face into a smile, but this time, his bottom lip quivers, “I’m sure we’ll be fine.” He pauses for a second. Looking at me hard for a long time. “I think, I’m just going to need a little time. I think I might need to get myself in order. I think I’m going to need to step back and get a little space from you for a while.”

“I’m sorry.” I say again, as he gets ready to leave.

I feel helpless and awful. I can’t stand the look on his face and I can’t stand knowing that I put it there. I hate knowing that right now, I’m the one person who can’t be there for Tyler.

* * * * *

So yes, West’s wedding and the aftermath was a low point for me, no doubt about that.

I wish I could say that things improve after that, but they don’t. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that I spin out a little. I start partying. I party a lot. I party illegal bahis siteleri hard. I drink and do a lot of other shit, I probably shouldn’t do. I hook up with every guy I can. The only time the pain seems bearable, is when I am out. When I’m drunk or high, or when I’m fucking butts.

I fall in with a wild crowd. They are a big group of crazy, wild guys. They call themselves the Dinner Club, though I have no idea why. I genuinely don’t remember eating anything other than ass, when I am with them. We hang out all the time. Things always get out of hand. Debauchery is the only thing a night with them absolutely guarantees.

I’m going to see them tonight. It’s Saturday night and I need to blow off some steam. I just got a text from West, asking if we could meet for a drink tomorrow afternoon. As usual, my heart does a quick somersault when I see a message from him. Nowadays, right after it does that, I find myself thinking, fuck you, West. At this point, I have no doubt in my mind, I would be a lot happier if I’d never met him.

I’m a little distracted, but I start feeling better the second I get to Josh and Seth’s place. They’re hosting tonight. I’m a little taken aback to see that they’ve put out some snacks. Pretty great snacks, actually. An entire charcuterie board, in fact.

How have I not noticed this before?

“Heyyy, Andy.” Says Nick, eyeing me up and down, raising his eyebrows, making it clear he likes what he sees.

I smile at him. He’s one hell of a flirt. He’s cute too. Not very tall, but not short either. He has a dancer’s body. He’s really quite something.

“Are you going to fuck me tonight?” He says, shaking his butt at me a little. One thing about Nick, is that he really can move. If history has taught us anything, it’s that, yes, I will be fucking him tonight.

“You know I only top you, if you blow me first.” I smile.

That’s true, by the way. Nick and I like teasing and playing with each other. Sometimes, I deny him, just to keep him guessing. It drives him wild. I don’t think I’ll be doing that tonight though. No, tonight, I’m going to do what I can to ensure that tomorrow, he can’t sit down without thinking of me.

It isn’t long before the alcohol is flowing and some other shit too. I’m feeling no pain now. If anything, I’m comfortably numb, just like the song. All I feel now, is that dark pull between my legs. The weight and the heft. That familiar heat. That old urge to thrust.

Nick is on his knees at my feet. We are both naked. We’re still in the living room. Other guys are milling around, getting into their own scene’s, or watching Nick and I getting into ours. Nick has my dick in his mouth, he’s taking me slowly. Just teasing. He doesn’t want to get me too excited. He has other things in mind for me. I notice a new guy watching us. Or should I say, he’s watching me. He’s big and brawny. When he sees me looking back, he lifts his t-shirt slowly, pulling it off over his head. He’s muscular and hairy. A bear, if ever there was one. I like the way he’s looking at me. He knows what he wants. Something tells me, he’s the kind of guy who’s used to getting what he wants.

I stroke the side of Nick’s face, “Go over to that table in the corner and bend over. Spread your legs and wait there for me.”

His face flushes a little, I see the quick flash of thirst in his eyes. He stands quickly and does it. He likes being told what to do. He’s nothing if not a good little slut. I leave him there for a while, as I get myself another drink. He keeps looking back at me, waiting. I love this little game. I can feel the bear watching me too. He can’t take his eyes off me. I’m very, very much enjoying the tension. I like having Nick’s eyes on me, while this new guy is watching me too. The night is still young, but I have a feeling, it’s going to be one to remember.

I grab a condom from the bowl on the coffee table and saunter over to Nick. All the guys here are on PrEP, but one can’t be too careful. I feel the bear approaching, he’s getting closer. Closing the space between us gradually, making me feel a little hunted.

I’m lubing Nick’s ass, my fingers are deep inside him, when the bear finally speaks.

“You’re Andy, right?”

God, his voice is deep. I smile and give a small nod.

“I’ve heard all about you.”

“Is that a fact?” I say, trying to sound unimpressed. “What have you heard?”

“I’ve heard you’re one to watch. I’ve heard you’re a great lay.” Nick squirms and groans a little under my touch. I give the bear a smile and a shrug, as if to say, “Guilty as charged.”

He leans in closer now, I can almost feel his breath on the side of my neck. His voice is even lower, when he says, “I’ve heard that once in a blue moon, you like to take it.”

I look up at him sharply. I wonder who told him that? I feel that instant tingle. That slow burn. Funnily enough, recently, I’ve been feeling like I need my hole taken care of.

“What are you packing?” I canlı bahis siteleri ask, not mincing words.

He smiles easily. He has dark eyes. Raw umber. He’d be intimidating if you ran into him in an alleyway, but here, smiling like that, I’m getting a really good feeling about this guy.

He pushes his jeans down and his boxers too. I don’t know much about him, but I do know he doesn’t seem to have any body image issues. He doesn’t need to.

God, he’s massive. He’s big in every way. Just how I like it.

“Can I play?” He asks. I eye him thoughtfully.

I try not to think about the fact, that I’ll be seeing West tomorrow. I try not to think that as big as this guy is, West’s dick is bigger. I try not to think about the fact that West is married. He’s been married for over two years. I try not to think about the fact that I’m such an idiot, I’m still hung up on him, after all these years.

“Sure,” I say, “use a condom and start slow.” He smiles again. Even wider this time. He smiles like a boy who’s just been offered candy.

“Lie on your back.” I say to Nick, turning him over and pushing his knees back so his ass is completely exposed. “You’re in for a show.”

As I start working my cock into Nick, the bear kneels behind me, parting my cheeks roughly and licking me gently. Holy shit. This guy knows what he’s doing. That is a very, very skilled mouth. It isn’t long before I’m moaning.

I fuck Nick slowly. Long, slow, deliberate strokes. I want to take my time. I want to be fucking him, when the bear finally breaches me. He’s taken me seriously about going slow. He teases me with his fingers. His fingers are broad. They’re thick and long. I start squirming when he gives me two. I’m moaning in earnest now. Nick’s head is arched back a little. He’s moaning, too. He’s moaning like crazy.

“I need more.” Nick gasps. I catch his wrists, holding them down at his sides, stopping him from touching his dick. I want him to take a lot more than he’s already had.

“Jesus, Andy,” he says, “why’d you have to be so hot?”

I smile down at him, as I continue my long, punishing strokes. The bear is using his fingers on me, he’s timing it perfectly. He penetrates me at exactly the same I penetrate Nick. I’m grunting loudly with each and every stroke.

“Why’d you have to be so hot?” Nick says again, whining now, “Why are you so hot, when you’re such a cold-hearted bitch?”

I fuck him harder and faster for that. The bear moves into position behind me. I hear him unwrapping a condom and lubing himself up. I slow down, leaning forward, over Nick, spreading my legs, giving the hairy monster behind me as much space as I can.

I cry out as he enters me. My eyes fly open in shock. Oooh, God, that’s a big, thick chunk of dick. Nick’s eyes are lazy, following me slowly. His pupils are severely dilated. He’s loving this.

Usually, fucking in a train is a very hot concept, but the reality of it doesn’t work out very well. Tonight’s different though. Tonight, I don’t try to control the pace. I surrender. I let the bear fuck me just how he likes. I let the force of his body slamming into me, flow through me and into Nick. Nick’s bucking and writhing. I’m arching and moaning. The bear is behind me, grunting and grabbing at me. Holding my hips and slapping my ass. The guys watching us are jeering and urging us on.

It feels never-ending. It goes on and on until Nick can’t take anymore, he’s jerking off and I can see that he’s close. He shoots all over his belly, crying out as his neck and chest flushes bright red. He holds his knees back, rocking back and forth, content to do nothing but make me feel good.

I told you, he’s a good little slut.

The bear’s getting close too. He’s fucking me hard now. He pushes me down completely, so that my chest is flat against Nick. My dick is deep inside him, his ass is still twitching and pulsing. The tight squeeze on my dick and the hard pressure inside me are driving me wild. I can’t hold back anymore. I’m close. I’ve been on the edge for a while, so when I finally let go, I erupt. I gush. It’s a massive load. I lose my legs, but just for a second.

The bear pulls out at last, ripping the condom off and jerking himself off. Roaring as he cums all over my back.

That’s not the end of the night. But it’s definitely the best part. From there, things get a bit vague. I know I cum twice more. Though how, and with who, I can’t specifically say.

When I wake up alone in my bed the next morning, I have a headache from hell. I feel that inevitable dread. That familiar shame, that always finds me after a bender like that. Seeking me out. Squeezing me tight. Making me homesick for a simpler time.

It was one of those nights that will certainly see me at the clinic on Monday. I shouldn’t have let that bear fuck me again. Once was enough. I’m sore today and to make matters worse, the second time, the condom broke.

Fuck.

Double fuck, I think, as I remember, I agreed to meet West this afternoon.

* * * * *

I meet West at a little bistro not too far from where I live. The food is good, and they have outdoor seating, which gives the place a chilled, relaxed feel. West loves it here.

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